Conflicted
by Spoilers-Sweetie913
Summary: Merlin can feel his world crashing to the ground around him, and all because Arthur is actually TRYING to help him, well people like him because Arthur still doesn't know he's a sorcerer. Merlin should be grateful, though, right? But all he can think about is how he has betrayed his best friend because he has been a coward.
1. I'm Falling to Pieces

Author's notes: Hiya! This topic has been floating around in my head since BEFORE season 5 ended. I have always wanted to read a fic where Merlin feels like he can't tell Arthur his secret, even though Arthur is legalizing magic, because he feels like he has waited waaaaay to long to tel him. And no one (that I've found) has written it this way. If you know of any, PLEASE tell me. This one is a work in progress and I have no idea when I will publish next, but I will, because I am still spinning things around in my mind. I have no idea how long it will be. And I plan on it being an eventual Merthur fic, but if I can't figure out a way to tie it in logically and perfectly, it won't happen, so just read between the lines for the sexual tension and look into your crystal balls for the future smut that will happen, even if I don't write it, because we all know it will happen (the smut, not me writing it). So please, let me know if you like how it is playing out, and if you have any idea.

* * *

Arthur asked Merlin to meet him back in his chambers when he finished with his duties. Merlin didn't think anything of, because after the three years of Arthur being king, everyone had pretty much gotten over the fact the Merlin will always be Arthur's most trusted confidant. Matters concerning the kingdom or even Arthur's personal life seemed to go through Merlin. Of course Arthur would say that he was just using Merlin as a sounding board, but he and Merlin both knew that he valued Merlin's opinions and suggestions, no matter how idiotic some are bound to be.

Merlin arrived in Arthur's chambers well after everyone else had gone to bed. He brought pitcher of wine and two goblets, because, let's face it, _of course_ Merlin was also going to be drinking some. Surprisingly, Arthur still had not arrived even though it had to be at least eleven. Arthur's list of duties seemed to be multiplying recently, Merlin pondered. He was spending more and more time confined in the library with only Geoffrey for company, piling on more chores for Merlin so that he was not able to help Arthur with whatever he was researching.

Merlin sat down in one of the padded armchairs at the table and placed his feet upon its surface. Scooting down in the seat to a more comfortable, reclined position, Merlin's eyes slipped closed involuntarily. Merlin promised himself that he was only dozing and would wake as Arthur opened his bedroom door.

No such luck. Arthur threw his doors open, spotted Merlin sleeping in a chair with his feet propped on the table. He slammed the door shut, thinking it would rouse the lazy bastard, but surprisingly, Merlin remained asleep. Arthur looked around his room and spotted an empty decorative metal bowl, and a spoon left from lunch. Grabbing one in each hand, Arthur approached Merlin's recumbent form, raised the bowl to Merlin's ear, and slammed the spoon against the metal surface.

Merlin woke with a jolt, almost toppling out of the chair, only barely managing to right himself before falling face-first into Arthur. "What was that for?" Merlin cried indignantly.

"I asked you to be here because I have something pressing to discuss; something that will affect to whole kingdom. I did not ask you here to join me for naptime, _Mer_ lin," Arthur drawled out the first syllable of Merlin's name, tauntingly.

"I wasn't napping!" Arthur raised an eyebrow. "I was waiting for you, like good little manservant, with my eyes closed."

"Right. Anyways, I have asked you to meet me here because I have been thinking about something for quite sometime. And it's been weighing on me and I have finally taken some steps to better understand what it is so that I can _do_ something about it-"

Merlin could see that Arthur was starting to ramble, which made him sit a little taller. When Arthur rambled, the issue was either embarrassing, or going to be very difficult. "Arthur! What is it" Merlin asked to snap Arthur out of his seemingly endless introduction.

Arthur cleared his throat. "Well, ah. Yes, well, I've decided that I am going to begin legalizing magic. I have felt that in light of recent events, that the kingdom could greatly benefit from sorcerers being on our side, and-"

Merlin's stomach dropped, and he tuned out the rest of Arthur's speech. His ears started to ring, and his mouth became so dry that he couldn't swallow, even though he tried several times. Merlin blinked rapidly, trying to put his focus back on what Arthur was trying so desperately trying to tell him, so desperately that Merlin could tell he was beginning to ramble again even if he couldn't hear the words.

Arthur wanted to make magic legal? After everything his father fought against? After what happened to his mother? To Morgana? Merlin couldn't believe it. He had always known that Arthur was a good man and a terrific king, but he always thought that he would have to reveal himself and convince Arthur not to cut his head off before he would even consider legalizing the one thing that had taken away his entire family.

Merlin should be happy, right? He should feel this great sense of relief wash over him. Like a huge burden had been taken off his shoulders. That he did not have to hide who he was anymore. That he should be free to show Arthur, the person he loves and respects most in this world who he truly is, and not feel ashamed about it. Because magic can be so beautiful. Merlin _is_ magic. Magic has been woven into his genetic fabric. Being the 'magic' to Arthur's 'courage' (and Gwaine's 'strength', but he's not here right now). Merlin should feel like leaping for joy, hugging Arthur so tight to thank him for his sacrifices, and confide in all that he has done for Arthur and Camelot.

So why did he feel like his world was falling apart? That he could feel his friendship with Arthur already shattering? Why did he feel like the worst person to ever live? Why did he feel like he was betraying Arthur more by being a secret warlock on Arthur's side, willing to do anything and everything for him, and Morgana, who used her magic to try to kill Arthur multiple time and tear the kingdom apart? Why did Merlin want to run away to his room, and under his threadbare blanket on his uncomfortable bed, and never leave for an eternity?

Arthur snapped his fingers in Merlin's face. "Merlin! _Heeellllllloooooo_! Earth to Merlin!"

Merlin awoke from his trance to see Arthur a foot in front of him with an annoyed expression hiding his slightly concerned look. Whether the concern was for Merlin or not, he did not know. But then it became clear when the concern showed through more over the annoyance and Arthur asked, a bit crestfallen, "It's stupid isn't it? Of course it is! No one-"

"Arthur, no! No it's not stupid by any means. It's a great idea, really," Merlin comforted Arthur. Because it really was a great idea. Magic _should_ be legal. Just because Merlin felt like he screwed everything up, didn't mean that other good sorcerers and witches shouldn't get their chance to protect their kingdom.

"Right, yeah… of course it is. It is good, right? It will help a lot of people. I've read about spells that farmers could use to…"

As Arthur continued to tell Merlin things he already knew, Merlin sat back in his chair and watched Arthur talk so passionately and felt as his heart started to fall to pieces.


	2. My Heart is Broken

Author's notes: The chapter title is from Evanescence's song My Heart is Broken, and the previous one from from the Script's song, Breakeven. Please enjoy. I don't think all the chapters will be this length, I think most of the will end up being quite a bit longer.

* * *

Merlin left Arthur's chambers as soon as he could. As he listened to Arthur go on and on about how he planned to reform the laws to make magic legal again, and how it would take a bit of time, but it would definitely be worth it, Merlin felt like all the air was being sucked from the room. He felt like he couldn't leave fast enough. He couldn't handle looking Arthur in the face anymore after all the time that he had lied to him. Is _still_ lying to him. It seemed like it was easier to keep his secret while magic was illegal and he had the excuse to say that he kept it secret to protect himself and Arthur from being executed.

Merlin didn't know if he should tell Arthur now. Well, he knew that he _should_ have told Arthur a long time ago, laws be damned. The trust had been there from near the beginning. He was Arthur's most trusted advisor, for goodness' sake! He could hire someone much more sensible for the job as adviser, but he steadfastly relied on Merlin's word on certain matters, especially those concerning the citizens in the lower towns or outlying villages. Merlin had always felt like it was such an honor to be considered Arthur's right-hand man, now it just feels like a lead weight on his chest, crushing everything that felt right and good about their relationship out of him.

Once back in his own room, bypassing Gaius' sleeping form, he closed the door and leaned back on it to take a deep, steadying breath. It didn't work. His breathing was increasing and increasing, and soon enough he found himself hyperventilating while crouched in front of his door, head between his knees. He didn't know when he had gone from standing to sitting, but now that he was there, he didn't think he'd ever stand again. His breathing was loud in his own ears, and his vision was tunneling down, black closing in around him.

 _Arthur_. God, what had Merlin done? He's going to be devastated when he finds out, because it's only a matter of time before he eventually does. 'He's going to throw me in the dungeons to rot. Or burn me at the stake. Chop off my head. There's no way he'll let this slide. No way. I have betrayed him in the worst way imaginable.' Merlin's thoughts continued like this for quite a few minutes.

What Merlin did not realize was that he must have been making more noise than he thought he had. Enough noise to rouse Gaius from his slumber, and make him investigate the commotion.

Gaius knocked on Merlin's door, "Merlin? Are you alright? What is going on in there?" When Merlin didn't answer- couldn't answer- Gaius tried to open the door, but Merlin was still sitting in front of it. "Merlin? Please, open the door, you're scaring me."

At that, Merlin was able to roll over onto his side, and away from the door enough for Gaius to open it. When he saw Merlin curled in on himself on the floor, he immediately became more worried. "Merlin! What's wrong? What's happened?"

Merlin continued to gasp for breath, unable to breathe properly to answer Gaius. However, Gaius seemed to understand and was then able to pull Merlin back into his former position but with his head further down between his knees. Rubbing his back up and down, Gaius said, "It's okay, calm down. Take a nice deep breath for me. It's just a panic attack. Once you get your breathing under control, we can work out whatever is bothering you... Come on, deeper breaths... slower now. That's right. Now, with me, in… out… again... "

After a minute or two of Gaius guiding Merlin through his breathing, Merlin was finally able to pull in long, deep breaths consecutively. "There we go. Much better. How are you feeling now?"

"Like a sack of dung," Merlin replied shakily.

Gaius chuckled quietly at that. "What's wrong Merlin?"

Merlin knew that if he looked into Gaius' eyes, he'd then burst into tears, and straight into another panic attack, so he kept his gaze locked onto the wood grain pattern of the floor between his feet, head still between his knees. Taking another two deep breaths, Merlin was finally able to answer, "Arthur is planning on legalizing magic."

To say that Gaius was shocked is an understatement. Merlin could feel his surprise even from within his shame-bubble. His eyes flickered up to Gaius' face to confirm his feelings, not long enough for eye contact, just enough to see his eyebrows reach his hairline.

"Why is that a bad thing?"

Merlin gulped, and his breathing instantly got shallower. "Alright, take it easy. We can just talk it out, everything will be okay," Gaius said gently, trying to curb the oncoming attack.

" _No, it won't!"_ Merlin suddenly shouted, making Gaius jump a bit from the sudden volume. "It won't be okay, because then Arthur will see what a fraud I am. He will see that I am no different from Morgana or Agravaine. He'll have me executed, or worse, he'll tell me to leave and never want to again. I can't bear the thought of never seeing him again, Gaius, I _can't_. It hurts too much."

Gaius waited until Merlin was finished getting everything off his chest to speak. "Merlin, you _know_ you are different from Morgana. Morgana hid her magic and then used it against Camelot and Arthur. You have never done such a thing. If you were to tell Arthur right now, yes he will most likely be angry, and ask you to leave, but not permanently. He cares for you too much to do that. I don't think he could bear the thought either. There will be no easy way to tell him- if you decide to tell him, which I highly advise- because you have, indeed, kept this from him for years. You two are best friends, he will feel betrayed, but that shouldn't keep you from telling him. Because you two are such good friends, it means that nothing will tear you two apart. So just, think on it. Don't just spring it on him, because that would be cruel. You have to easy someone as stubborn and rash as Arthur into things like this."

Merlin listened to every word Gaius said, because he was the wisest person he knew. He could feel himself sink deeper into his depression when Gaius confirmed that Arthur would feel betrayed, which was Merlin's biggest fear, but once he realized that it was inevitable, he felt like it would be just another obstacle to cross. Just another evil to fight, and he could work with that.

He nodded to Gaius, and slowly stood up on his shaky legs, and held out a hand to Gaius, who took it appreciatively.

Merlin didn't say anything after that, just wrapped his arms around Gaius for a few moments because he felt vulnerable and hugs helped with that. Then he turned, kicked off his boots, shimmied out of his trousers, untied his neckerchief, and climbed under his blanket, letting everything fall to the floor. Gaius left without another word.

Merlin laid in his bed, staring unseeingly out his window, letting everything that happened today wash through his mind, and hopefully his subconscious would figure out a solution by the time he woke in the morning.


	3. Stressed Out

Author's note: Here we go! I don't know if I said it before, but I won't have ANY pattern when posting chapters. I'm basically writing, reviewing, and posting when I'm done. So it is highly likely that to post another chapter tonight, or I won't for a few days. Do not worry, I am definitely not abandoning this. It's all planned out. And the chapter tiltle comes from Twenty-One Pilots' song _Stressed Out._

* * *

Merlin woke slowly, almost afraid to open his eyes and face reality. He had to face Arthur today. He had to look Arthur in the eyes knowing that he was a giant liar, a fraud. He had always known he was lying to Arthur, but this was the first time he actually, acutely, felt the consequences. And they felt worse than terrible. They felt like they were able to tear a hole in the very ground he stood on and he would fall for eternity, never reaching the ground.

As slowly as he could, Merlin drew back the blankets, lowered his feet to the floor, and sat at the edge of the bed, mentally preparing himself for the day ahead.

He could do this. Has been doing this for six years now. And didn't that thought just crush his motivation and determination just a bit?

With a big inhale, Merlin stood and got dressed, running a hand through his hair in a halfhearted attempt to tame it.

Merlin dragged himself out of his room, down the stairs, and passed Gaius on his way to the door. He waved goodbye, and gave a slight tilt of his lips to soothe Gaius' worried frown, and left without breakfast. He would just grab a roll from the kitchens as he got Arthur's breakfast.

The roll sat uneaten on Arthur's tray as Merlin made his way into Arthur's chamber to wake the slumbering king. Placing the food down on the table, Merlin somberly made his way to the windows to open the curtains. His "Rise and shine" wasn't nearly as cheerful as it usually is, and Arthur picked up on it immediately, but chose not to comment on it.

"Breakfast is on the table. What would you like to wear today, sire?" Merlin asked, moving to the wardrobe.

Arthur stretched, and looked at Merlin funnily. He was never this serious, especially in the mornings before all his chores roughened him up a bit. "Um, something blue, I guess." Arthur then got up, and sat at the table to pour himself some water, seeing as Merlin didn't do it beforehand, but then again, he forgets that often, so maybe it's nothing.

Merlin pulled a royal blue tunic out of the wardrobe along with a pair of dark brown trousers, and laid them out on the bed. Then he went to make Arthur's bed, as the king ate his meal.

Merlin moved about the room, doing his various chores silently. This was most unusual, and not something that Arthur could let go.

"What, no witty banner this morning? You're _never_ this quiet. I don't know why I'm mentioning it, it should be a blessing, but it just feels weird."

Merlin just shrugged, said, "Don't have anything to say," and continued to pick up random items from the floor.

Arthur studied him for a bit longer, then decided to let it go. He had much more important things to worry about this morning than his awkward manservant. "I have a meeting with Geoffrey this afternoon to discuss how to undo my father's laws. Care to sit in?"

Merlin froze. There was _no_ way that he could handle sitting in a room where Arthur talked so openly about legalizing magic. Not a chance. So he came up with the first excuse he could think of. "I would love to, sire, but I still have to mend some of your shirts that I forgot about yesterday. Then I promised Gaius that I would gather whatever herbs he needed from the forest because he settled my debts… from all that time I spent… in the tavern… that one week..." As the excuse went on, it lost its steam, and just started to sound a bit ridiculous. But Merlin guessed it was enough for Arthur because he just waved his hand lazily, as if to say ' _whatever_ ', and continued eating.

Sighing internally in relief, Merlin went back to straightening odds and ends around the room so as to avoid Arthur's suspicious gaze. When Arthur finally finished his meal, and stood up to go change into his day clothes, Merlin quickly moved to clear the table, and rush to the door. "Anything else, sire?"

Arthur looked in Merlin's shifting eyes and said, "Just muck out the sables before you go fetching herbs for Gaius. It has been put off for too long." Arthur then went behind the divider, to change, and Merlin slipped out of the room.

Out in the stables, Merlin shoveled out the horse manure mechanically, his mind far away. Well not too far, just back up in the castle where Arthur was most likely meeting with Geoffrey to go over the legal delicacies that were involved with turning the kingdom on its head - or right side up again, depending on your point of view.

Merlin steered his mind to the possibility of actually confessing everything to Arthur. To get everything off his chest and out in the open. Then he remembered Gaius' words and immediately decided against just throwing his words out there. But he had no idea how he should easy Arthur into it. It's not like Arthur were a baby that Merlin was teaching to swim, he couldn't just gently ease Arthur into accepting his magic by exposing him to little tricks and treats. It would not work that way. The only way Merlin could think of that could possibly be, well, not _easy_ but not traumatic either, was to just sit Arthur down, start with an apology, then an explanation on why he lied, and then a confession about what he lied about. Then, hope with all his being that Arthur didn't act then think.

That could work. It should work. Now, all Merlin needed was to know when to do it. He definitely couldn't do it today, or within the next couple days, he had to work up the courage first. Which was weird because Merlin typically acted first and thought things through later, quite like Arthur. Courage had never been something that he was lacking, despite all that Arthur joked that it was.

Okay, so Merlin would do it in the somewhat near future, but not too near. He could do this. He could come clean to Arthur. He could explain that his intentions were only ever pure. He could convince Arthur that he would never lie to him ever again.

He could break Arthur's heart.

Oh gods, he can't do this. He's going to make Arthur think that he Merlin didn't trust him, and never trusted him. That Arthur couldn't trust _Merlin_ despite everything they had done for each other.

No, no. He _has_ to do this. He doesn't think he could handle reigning in his magic while others practiced so freely. And what if so amateur, some _showoff_ , decided that they should become Arthur's protector? There is no way that they would be able to defend him from all the bad magic that Arthur attracts like a magnet.

That settles it, before magic becomes legal, Merlin _has_ to confess everything to Arthur, and prove that he will continue to protect him and Camelot, just like he has from the beginning.

He can do this.


	4. I'll Be Ok

Author's notes: So this one is a short chapter. But it's mainly a filler and segue into a bigger issue. The next one will definitely be lengthier, by quite a bit. Some action and plot coming up. The chapter title comes from Nothing More's song _I'll Be Ok_. You should definitely listen to that one.

* * *

Merlin walked back to the castle after gathering a few herbs that Gaius was running low on -to verify his excuse- and into his chambers to bathe before fetching Arthur his dinner. He was feeling a lot better now that he resolved to come clean before Arthur legalized magic. He was still terrified, mind you, but he could deal with terrified. Hopeless was much more difficult to handle.

Walking through the halls this time amongst the general chaos that comes with dinnertime helped to soothe Merlin and prepare him for facing Arthur. It was ridiculous that he felt he had to _face_ Arthur in the first place, but he'd manage. The noise, and focusing on not running into anyone, be it servant or knight, took most of his concentration and he arrived at the king's door feeling more relaxed than even before this mess began.

Bypassing knocking on the door, Merlin sauntered his way in, and placed the tray laden with meats, bread, cheeses, and a few vegetables on it on the table. He poured a goblet of wine for Arthur, and then moved to lean against the bedpost, looking at Arthur expectantly.

"You're feeling better. What did you do? Knock back a few at the tavern?" Arthur said mock affronted to see Merlin's cheerful disposition. He only said it that way to hide the fact that he was secretly pleased to see Merlin smiling again.

"No, Milord Prat, I did not. Those ways are behind me now. Gaius has only just repaid my debts. It would seem indecent to go and muck all that up right away," Merlin lied smoothly, which then made his smile falter for a second once he realized just _how_ easy lying to Arthur came to him. He shook off the looming darkness and turned his smile up a notch, or seven, to cover up the slip. "Mucking out the stables does wonders for clearing the mind. You should try it sometime," this last bit Merlin threw at Arthur with a cheeky grin and a quick wriggle of his eyebrows.

As expected, Arthur scoffed, "Even if what you say is true, which I doubt, I would never muck out my own stables. That's what _you_ get paid for," Arthur spoke as he made his way passed Merlin towards the table, he reached his hand out and ruffled Merlin's hair roughly, jostling him from his relaxed slump against the bedpost.

Merlin pushed Arthur's hand away with mock indignation, but had to turn his face to hide his grin. Even though his gloom had not lasted very long, it had been very effective at making Merlin feel like nothing would ever be the same again. This playfulness between he and Arthur strengthened his resolve to make up for all his wrongdoings.

Arthur lounged in his chair and dove into his food hungrily. "So, Geoffrey and I have found a way to amend the laws instead of repealing them, which would be too arduous, and cause a lot of backtracking."

Merlin stiffened. Well, his self-conscious is back in order it seems. He feels like shit again. For all Arthur's talk, Merlin had a teensy part of himself that believed that Arthur wouldn't go through with it. He should have known better than to underestimate King Arthur. He may have been a stubborn prince, but he was now a very determined king, and there was nothing standing in his way on his path to greatness. Not even laws could stop him, it seemed. Now it was all becoming official.

Unaware of Merlin's inner turmoil, Arthur continued,"I know my father did some horrible things, but he was not an evil man. His intentions may have started out pure, he just did not implement his actions correctly. So instead of doing away with his law, Geoffrey and I are working to change it to allow the practice of witchcraft, so long as no one is harmed in the process. Because my father was on the right track, magic _was_ becoming a problem, but doing away with everything wasn't really the right idea. It got rid of things like healing, and helping crops grow, and saving people."

Merlin turned to look at Arthur with a bit of awe in his face. "Brilliant," he whispered, too low for Arthur's ears. Here was the man he vowed to stand beside for the rest of his life. In this simple moment where Arthur really wasn't doing anything spectacular, Merlin could see the best man to have ever walked the earth right in front of him. His lips quirked at the edges involuntarily, and a blush spread up from his neck, staining his cheeks.

Arthur did not see any of this, of course, because his back was turned to Merlin while he face his dinner, but then he turned in his seat to look at Merlin while he spoke. He continued to enlighten Merlin about the different amendments and exceptions that will be needed to the existing law, but Merlin only half listened as he mostly just watched Arthur talk. His face was mesmerizing when he was passionately speaking, Merlin realized. So animated and carefree. All his emotions just ran across his face unchecked, and it was breathtaking. Once he noticed that he had been staring at Arthur's mouth, he shook his head and turned to look at a flower arrangement. Then something Arthur said caught his attention.

"Wait, how long?" Merlin asked, voice pinched a bit. Surely he hadn't heard what he thought he just did.

"Everything should be final within a month or so. I told you, fixing the law is a lot easier than overturning it. Anyways…"

For the second time that night, Merlin's stomach dropped. He knew that a month was a long time away, and that he should have expected to tell Arthur that he was a sorcerer before then, but now that he had a definitive deadline, he felt like he was drowning, or that the walls were closing in, or both

.

Taking a few deep breaths to prevent an attack like last night's, Merlin walked towards Arthur to clear the table. Once finished, he went to the wardrobe to take out Arthur's night clothes, then turned down the covers on the bed. All this he did on autopilot so that he could focus on telling himself that he had _more_ that enough time. It wasn't like he was telling Arthur that he had a terminal illness, and only had a month to live. At the end of this, they should both be alive and well, physically, mentally, and emotionally. All would be fine.

Merlin was able to sleep less fretfully that night. And when he woke, the next morning played out like nothing wrong had happened in the first place. Merlin knew he was making the right choice.


	5. The Kids Aren't Alright

Author's notes: So, as promised, a nice long chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

He was making the wrong choice.

It was two weeks after Arthur had announced to Merlin that he was officially on his way to making changes. The next morning he, Merlin, and Geoffrey conferred on how to alert the people of Camelot to the news. They decided that Arthur giving a public announcement and then sending out town cryers, and couriers with notices should spread the word quite quickly so that people are not surprised by the upcoming deadline.

The speech went as expected. There was a bunch of mixed feelings, some people were overjoyed, a few were a bit skeptical, some a tad worried, and yet others outright proclaimed their disgust and distrust. The latter group of people were considerably lower than what Merlin had thought they would be, considering Uther had reigned about 25 or so years. Seems like his ideals were not as popular as he and Arthur had believed, but that was in their favor.

The notices that went out via courier were tacked to village centers for those in the outlying villages who were not able to attend the king's speech, and basically outlined the main points.

All seemed to be running smoothly. But since hindsight is 20/20, they could not have guessed that things were going _too_ smoothly. So, by default, something had to go wrong. And it had to go wrong in the evil-magic-is-trying-to-destroy-us-all way.

Arthur had been woken from his sleep by Leon pounding away at his door, more or less demanding the king's presence in the meeting hall. It was early. Merlin would not even be awake yet, and Leon seemed too distressed for Arthur to send someone to go fetch him. He'd know sooner or later.

So Arthur dressed hurriedly and met with his Knights of the Round Table in their meeting place. They all seemed harried and concerned, so Arthur knew this was no drill or joke.

"Someone, tell me what is going on. Now," Arthur demanded.

"We do not know for yet certain, sire," Sir Elyan began, looking around at his fellow Knights for confirmation. "The six guardsmen that were on patrol along the eastern border are still a bit hazy on the details. All they seem to be able to remember certainly is that they were attacked."

"By who? Bandits?"

"No, sire," Percival said timidly, "by giants."

" _Giants?!"_ Arthur exclaimed disbelievingly. Unicorns and griffins were one thing, but _giants_? Not a chance.

"That's what they said, sir. They said that one giant knocked the six of them off their horses in one swoop, while another two stomped around, pulling trees out by the roots and tossing them aside. They said that were lucky to get out of there alive, if a bit concussed from their impacts with the ground. They are all with Gaius now."

So that answered the issue about Merlin. He'd surely know about what was happening if all the victims were in his and the physician's chambers.

"Okay, so we allegedly have three giants roaming around, and what? Ripping out trees and knocking patrols off their horses?"

"That's not all, sire," Gwaine pitched in. "Reports have come in that the villages nearest the attack have been burned down. The villagers are on their way here now."

"Why was that not mentioned first?" Arthur fumed. He looked around the Table, but no one met his eye. He let out a breath to steady himself. "Alright, Leon, send out a few troops to escort the villagers here, and you and Elyan go with them. Make sure they are not attacked by these 'giants' again. Gwaine and Percival are going to gather out some volunteers and head out to stop the fires and start rebuilding the houses while the villagers recover. Lancelot, you go get Guinevere, and the two of you are going to start to make preparations for those coming here to the city. In the meantime, I'm going to speak with Gaius about this giants nonsense. Dismissed." And all at once, everyone moved into action.

* * *

With everyone out on their assigned tasks, Arthur all but ran to Gaius' chamber. Upon arrival, he could tell that things were hectic. Gaius had called on a couple maids to help him and Merlin oversee the distressed guards. Trying to squeeze into the small chambers that had about eleven or twelve people already in it was near impossible. Somehow, Arthur managed to get to Gaius and asked him to meet him outside the room for a moment. Gaius consented and gave instructions for Merlin on how to tend to the guards in his absence. Arthur briefly caught Merlin's eye, then left the room.

Gaius met Arthur in the stairwell, already knowing what Arthur planned to ask him. "The men were what seemed to be severely concussed. All they seem to be able to talk about are giant men attacking them. And what is weird is that they were not able to describe a single thing about them, other than that were were giants, not a one of them."

Arthur caught on to what Gaius was implying and asked, "What do you think actually happened? Because, I mean, _giants_? They don't exist, they were a fairytale told to frighten children into behaving! They could not have attacked, it's preposterous."

"Actually, giants did once exist, Your Majesty. However, they were wiped out during the first Magic War centuries ago. The Dragonlords were the ones to defeat them. But, yes, I agree, it is preposterous for these men to say that they were attacked by an extinct race."

"So are you thinking that it was sorcery?" Arthur gulped. "Do you think someone is using necromancy again?"

"No, sire. It would not be possible, for one, it's been centuries, way too long to resurrect a dead body, and two, giants' blood was impervious to magic. That was why it was the Dragonlords and their dragons who defeated them. It was actually the sorcerers and the giants who were fighting, but the sorcerers enlisted the help of the Dragonlords. Therefore, no sorcerer alive, powerful or not, would be able to resurrect a giant. But I do still think it was sorcery. I think the men were enchanted, in a way. They are experiencing most of the symptoms that come with being heavily concussed, but if they had been, they would not have been able to make the trip back here to the castle. They would have been too disoriented."

"How does that explain why they think they saw giants?" Arthur asked, trying to follow.

"A disillusionment charm. It's a way of making people think they saw something a certain way, when, in truth, it was a bit different. These men think they saw three giants, but they may have actually seen three sorcerers, distorting themselves into appearing as giants in these men's heads. And then the sorcerers tore up some trees with their magic to make the illusion seem more convincing when they came and reported it to you."

Arthur sighed. "You can heal them, though, right?"

"Yes of course, Your Highness. The spell will wear off eventually, they just need some rest, and to be patched up a bit." When Arthur opened his mouth to speak, Gaius cut him off, "However, I doubt they will be able to describe their attackers when the spell does wear off. They were most likely already under it's effects before the sorcerers revealed themselves."

Arthur closed his mouth and ran a hand through his hair. He was doing everything in his power to make magic legal, and the kingdom knew that. People throughout the whole land probably knew by now! But here he has a band of rogue warlocks hellbent on destroying Arthur's plans and kingdom.

"Thank you, Gaius. Once again, your knowledge has proven unparalleled. If it's not too much trouble, could you send Merlin out? Oh, and you can set up in one of the spare dining halls so that you actually have room to move about, and a place to sleep tonight."

"Yes of course, My Lord, thank you. We will relocate shortly. I no longer require Merlin's services; I still have the maids' help," Gaius replied, touched at Arthur's words.

Gaius worked his way inside, and a minute or two later, Merlin stepped out, looking for Arthur. "Yes sire?"

"Gaius has just informed me that he thinks sorcery was involved." Merlin gulped, not liking the restrained anger in Arthur's tone. "He thinks that sorcerers bewitched my guards into thinking they saw giants, and then they proceeded to set fire to my villages."

"Y-yes, Gaius and I were discussing the possibilities. What are we going to do?"

Arthur smirked internally at Merlin's use of 'we'. It never failed to make him proud at how courageous Merlin was, except when it was to the point of bullheadedness, but Arthur was hardly one to speak. Pot and the kettle and all that. "Well, it seems logical that the sorcerers are wrecking their havoc westward, coming towards Camelot to try and raze the city; as is typical of anything that happens to us. I plan to send troops out to meet them in the next village and capture them. I just cannot get over the fact that these men _must_ know that I am trying to reform laws for people like them! Why do they feel they need to use their magic to hurt innocent people in the name of sorcery when it will all be legal soon? These people need to get it into their heads that I am _not_ my father, I can tell the difference between right and wrong when it comes to magic. Sometimes I wonder if I should even try at all."

Merlin could see the fight going out of Arthur, could see the pain these unknown warlocks were causing him, because this would, without a doubt give fuel to the skeptics' argument. Merlin considered telling Arthur then that he was a sorcerer, if nothing other than to just give Arthur hope that not all magic people were set out to destroy him. He thought, 'I am making the wrong choice in keeping this from him,' but then he shut that thought away and tried to reassure Arthur instead. "Arthur look at me." When Arthur met his determined gaze, Merlin continued,"Do not doubt yourself, especially now, but not ever. You are a great king and an even better man. Your reforms will help so many people, but it will take time for everyone to get on board. I do not know why these people are doing this, but don't let them discourage you." Merlin placed his hand on Arthur's shoulder for a little physical comfort as well, and when he was done speaking, the two looked at each other and smiled. Then the smiles faded, but not in a bad way, and the two stood looking at each other, feeling something building between them.

"As much as it pains me to admit it, Merlin, you are right. Sometimes I wonder where these random bits of wisdom come from," Arthur joked, trying to lighten the increasingly tense atmosphere. Arthur slapped Merlin on the back good-naturedly, then turned to go leave the tower, expecting Merlin to follow, which he did.

The two made their way towards Arthur's chambers where they will strategize their next move since the Knights are off doing their parts.

Arthur opened the door and let Merlin walk before him, who went straight to a side table, and poured a goblet of wine for each of them- he'd taken to leaving two in Arthur's chambers for occasions such as these- despite the early hour, passed Arthur his, then sat at the table while Arthur paced the room.

"So if it is not obvious, I am going to have to push back the legalization of magic so that we can deal with the fallout of this incident. We will need to reassure the people of our cause and let them know that not all sorcerers are bent on destroying Camelot." Arthur paused. "What we need is a delegate." Arthur was prone to thinking his thoughts aloud when he paced so Merlin was able to sit back and think then put in his input if/when he had any. This system worked well for them. A great many plans had been formed this way.

"A what?" Merlin interrupted Arthur's stream of consciousness confused.

"Someone who will be able to communicate with the magical population and be their voice, so to speak. No pun intended," he winked at Merlin, who flushed slightly. "A warlock. Someone powerful enough to be able to combat any attacks that threaten the Kingdom, magical or not. Someone loyal to me and Camelot."

"Oh, you mean a Court Sorcerer. Gaius was Camelot's before.. well… you know," Merlin trailed off lamely.

"Yes! Exactly, a Court Sorcerer. We will need to find someone capable after we finish with these sorcerers. I doubt Gaius would like to pick it up again, and I quite like his as the physician. I'll leave that to you Merlin. Somehow I trust your judgement when it comes to people." Arthur said wryly, alluding to all the times Merlin said he didn't trust someone, and was found to be correct on his insane claims.

Merlin's eyes widened at being given such a responsibility. Well, it's not like we wasn't qualified enough to determine who was a powerful enough warlock or not- which Arthur knew nothing about- he just never thought Arthur would openly admit to something Merlin was good at, and then give him a duty that wasn't darning his socks. Then he started to feel a bit jealous that he was going to determine who would be filling a role that he _already did,_ but one with an official title and public acknowledgement. But he had absolutely no reason to feel jealous because it was his own fault that Arthur wasn't offering him this job because he didn't know about Merlin's magic.

Merlin decided he would put all his efforts into finding the best damned warlock to be Camelot's Court Sorcerer, because it deserved the best, and Arthur deserved Merlin's best efforts. He could do this.

Arthur left to round up a group of his remaining knights to ambush the rogue warlocks in the village that was most likely to be targeted next.

* * *

The next day brought good fortune. The knights Arthur sent out had been victorious in capturing the criminals, fortunately with no casualties- on either side.

They were rounded up and brought before the king and his court in the throne room. Chained, the three men stood shoulder to shoulder looking prideful with their chins raised defiantly in the air.

Arthur was sitting ramrod straight on the throne looking every bit the noble king he was. "I am sure that you three were made aware that I have been in the process of legalizing magic. What I want to know is _why_ you decided to take such violent actions. This was not to protest the unjust laws or to exact revenge on me or my father's legacy, or whathaveyou."

The first man in the line, a twig of a man, a few inches taller than six-foot, but barely 150 pounds, with stringy, ink black hair and a patchwork scruff on his face, decided to answer. His voice was unsettling in it calmness, but was thick with the accent of those who lived in the hovels on the outskirts of the lower town. " _Your Grace_ ," he sneered, and Merlin shot the man a look of contempt, "you have to know that people with magic are not liable to forget the wrongs you and your father have brought upon us. And that we know that you pretending to legalize magic just to draws us out and execute us will not work. We are smarter than the rats you think us to be." He ended his speech by spitting on the floor at Arthur's feet. Gwaine moved to strike the man -and Merlin was only just restraining his and his magic's outrage- but Arthur lifted his hand to stop him.

Arthur leaned forward, "Not that I need to prove myself to you, but I am _not_ my father. I know I have done wrong, and am able to admit it. That is where he and I differ. But I am in no way lying when I say that I am doing my best so that people with magic -not people like _you_ \- will not have to live in fear anymore. People like you, who feel that can try to get to me by hurting my people disgust me, and I should have you executed. But I have mercy, also unlike my father. If your actions had not harmed anyone, I would have released you as a show of good faith to the magic community. However, you burning down four villages have left several people injured, and more out of home and a source of income. The three of you will rot in my dungeons for the rest of your pitiful lives."

With that the guards dragged the three men away, and Arthur let out a sigh. He dismissed the council, and left the throne room. Merlin followed close behind him. When Arthur suddenly turned into an alcove, Merlin turned to him confused. Merlin opened his mouth to ask him what was wrong, when Arthur exhaled a bit shakily and lowered his face into his hands, hair falling to cover his eyes. Merlin automatically reached out to comfort him by placing a hand on his shoulder and rubbing little circles there.

"What's wrong, Arthur?"

"People think that I am using the legalization of magic as a ruse to draw all the warlocks out of hiding, just to slaughter them all when they feel like they can relax again. When will people stop comparing me with my father?" With his question, Arthur looked up into Merlin's eyes, and Merlin could see his deep sadness. And it hurt to see that despair, but a very small part of him was glad that Arthur was letting himself be vulnerable in front of him.

Merlin smiled sadly and said, "Probably never, but can't let them decide who you want to be. That is entirely _your_ decision."


	6. You're the One that I Want

Author's notes: Arthur knows Mordred has magic in this, because, right now, I can't remember if Arthur knew or not. I'm pretty sure he did, but if he didn't, then that is what this note is for. The title obviously comes from Grease xD Enjoy!

* * *

Three days after the rogue warlocks had been jailed, Merlin had finally completed his letter that requested any sorcerer with an interest in maintaining peace and order to come to the castle for an interview to become the new Court Sorcerer. Merlin felt he could pat himself on the back, it was simply marvelous. Arthur had given another speech to the public to reassure him of his good intentions about repealing the laws. That this was no ruse into drawing out the sorcerers to have them executed, he was genuinely wanting to help them.

Merlin had just put the finishing touches on it when Arthur burst on the room without announcing himself. To be fair, it _was_ Arthur's bedchambers, Merlin was just taking advantage of the writing desk with the mountains of empty scrolls and numerous quills and inkwells. They were, sadly, a luxury Merlin never bothered with.

"Well well well. What do we have here?" Arthur asked upon spotting Merlin at his desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I was just finishing the notice calling for a Court Sorcerer. And I must say, for all the speeches I've written for you, you're welcome by the way, I think I really left myself the best stuff," Merlin pronounced proudly, brandishing his masterpiece out for Arthur to see with his chest puffed out slightly.

"Let me see it then," Arthur demanded, holding his hand out expectantly.

Merlin looked at the hand, ever so slightly drawing the parchment closer to his chest, not exactly trusting Arthur's intentions, especially with that glint in his eyes. It was highly suspicious. "And what do you plan to do with it?"

"Just let me see it, _Mer_ lin!" Arthur made to grab the scroll, but Merlin pulled it out of reach just in time, taking a couple of steps around the desk to put it between himself and the king.

"What do you think I'm going to do with it? I'm going to _read_ it. That's what people do with notices, isn't it?" Arthur pursued Merlin around the desk, but Merlin circled with him, not letting Arthur get any closer.

"You promise you're just going to read it? No funny business?"

"That scroll is part of my future plans. What do you think I will do to something like that? Throw it in the fire?" Arthur mocked.

"Fine, you can read it, but you have to give it back, I'm very proud of it, it took me nearly two and a half days to get it just right." Merlin reluctantly took a few steps around the desk towards Arthur. When he was close enough, he slowly brought the scroll away from his chest and let Arthur slip it from his grasp.

Arthur smirked victoriously, and Merlin almost immediately regretted handing it over, but then Arthur started to actually read it. "This is very good, Merlin. I'm impressed, truly." Merlin beamed at Arthur, teeth showing and all. "Two and a half days, you say?" Arthur said, not really a question, as he toyed with the parchment in both hands. Merlin's smile dropped just as quickly as it came once the look came back to Arthur's face. "I bet you practically have it memorized by now." Merlin's eyes widened, not liking, at all, where this was headed, but he nodded anyway. "So it wouldn't be an issue if I did this," Arthur lifted the parchment closer to his face. His hands moved in different directions, and a loud ripping sound filled the air.

Merlin gasped, outraged. He was so mad, he felt it throughout his whole chest. Then Arthur's laughter boomed around the room.

"Your _face_!" he managed to wheeze out between breaths. "Oh gods, that was so funny! You should see your face. HA! Here, have your precious notice."

Merlin looked down at Arthur's hand, first in fury, then in confusion. It was intact. "But- how did- _what_?" Merlin snatched the parchment out of Arthur's hands and inspected it closer for damage.

"Do you honestly believe I would do something like that? Mess with you, yes. Provoke you into anger, definitely. But destroy _that_?" he nodded to Merlin's hands. "Of course not." He smiled at Merlin. "I did the noise with my mouth. Blew some air out against the parchment and it sounds just like I was ripping it apart. I'm a delinquent, not a heathen, _Mer_ lin. I will always remember that face though. I thought you would have killed me."

"I might still, I have not yet decided." Merlin said, still a bit thrown from the turn of events.

Arthur chuckled. "Yeah, well, we'll see." He took the parchment once again out of Merlin's hands, and studied it. "I was serious, though. It's perfect. We'll send it out at first light tomorrow." Arthur set the parchment down on his desk and patted it, but when he went to retrieve his hand, he accidently upturned an unstoppered inkwell. Right onto the notice.

Merlin's eyes widened once again, in shock as the ink flowed all over. Then he slowly looked up at Arthur murderously.

Arthur's eyes had widened in shock, too, but when he met Merlin's gaze, it became a touch more frightful. He started to back up, raising his hands defensively. " _That_ was an accident," he said, halfway across the room when Merlin started pursuing. "And, honestly, it was your fault for not corking the inkwell. What were you thinking?"

Arthur had reached the door by then, and quickly spun out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Then he let out another laugh and said loud enough for Merlin to hear him, "I'll just leave you to it, Merlin. You said you had it memorized!" Then Arthur proceeded to sprint away from his chambers because he wasn't entirely certain that Merlin _wouldn't_ follow him. He decided hiding out for a few hours should be enough time for Merlin to calm down. Hopefully.

A week after Merlin had reprinted his notice, still glaring at Arthur whenever he thought about it, the first group of sorcerers had started to show up. Arthur left Merlin in charge of preliminary interviews, then, if they met certain criteria- namely being of-age, seemingly trustworthy, and answered character questions satisfactorily- then Arthur and Merlin would then conduct another round of questioning, and a demonstration of their skill. Everyone who made it to the second round was provided accommodations in the city, if they did not already live there, until a final decision was made.

On the fifth day of interviewing, Merlin was sitting at the table in the throne room, thinking over his last interview. He had been a man of about forty, who seemed genuinely interested in helping sorcerers, but Merlin was a tad concerned about some of the questions he answered about his character. It had seemed to Merlin as if he had thought that magicians were to be valued more than those without magic, as if their lives were worth more. He had not said any of this, obviously, or Merlin would not still have been thinking about him, but something about the man did not sit right.

Just then, one of the guards opened the door to announce another sorcerer. Merlin waved him in, looking down at the parchment with the previous men's names and where to find them, and did not look up until someone cleared their throat. When Merlin lifted his head, he saw a figure in a long cloak with the hood up. Merlin raised an eyebrow and was about to request that he lowered his hood, when the man did it himself. With the hood lowered, Merlin couldn't help but gasp, and then jump out of his seat and run towards the man. "Mordred!" Merlin threw his arms around the young druid, and let out a surprised laugh. "Oh gods, it's great to see you. What are you doing here?"

Mordred hugged Merlin back tightly. "What do you think I'm doing here? I would like to be considered for the Court Sorcerer position."

"Right, yes, of course!" Merlin released the hug and took a few steps back. "I'm pretty sure if I told Arthur you were here, he'd give it to you automatically."

"Well, I would like to do the interview nonetheless, if you do not mind," Mordred asked, with a small smile, and a slight blush on his face.

"Yeah, alright. Just a few questions, nothing too horrible. The humiliation comes later," Merlin joked.

Mordred furrowed his brow for a second, looking at Merlin peculiarly. "I have a question of my own first. Why are _you_ not to be Court Sorcerer, Merlin? I know Arthur trusts you the most. What, with all the times you have saved him."

Merlin swallowed and looked down at the table guiltily.

"He doesn't know, does he?" Merlin shook his head. An exhale left Mordred's lips disbelievingly. "Why not, Merlin? You know he won't have you executed."

Forcefully swallowing passed the sudden lump in his throat, Merlin said to the tabletop, "Because I'm a horrible friend, that's why. What would it look like if I had decided to tell Arthur just as he announced that magic was legal, huh? He would think that I have been using him for my own gain. That I was trying to gain his trust, and push him towards magic just so I could live freely." Merlin paused, raising his head up to look in Mordred's sad eyes. "It's been six years, Mordred. I've waited too long."

It was silent for a moment. Then Mordred spoke softly, "Do you ever plan on telling him? Because he deserves to know, Merlin."

Merlin sighed, "Yeah, I made myself promise that I would tell him before it all becomes official. Which will be in a little over a month. I've been trying to work up the courage, actually," he smiles ruefully. "But you cannot say anything, alright Mordred? Please, let me do this on my own, in my own time."

"Yes of course, Merlin. Whatever you say. You saved my life, I at least owe you this. But you _will_ tell Arthur?"

Merlin nodded, "Yeah, even if it gets me killed."

After the interview with Mordred, Merlin went to go find Arthur while Mordred went to get settled in his accommodations, which Merlin was able to get to be within the castle. Finding the king out in the courtyard with his knights, Merlin leaned against the fencing, watching while he waited.

Arthur was training a new group of knights. Every batch seemed to get younger and younger. These ones looked no older than eighteen or nineteen; only just men. But they all seemed skilled, Merlin had to give them that. As they each sparred with the king, Merlin could detect a proud look on Arthur's face. They would be great, and make Arthur even prouder when they got older and more experienced, Merlin could tell.

Another forty-five minutes or so passes before training is dismissed and Arthur walks up to Merlin, drinking from his water bag. "I've got good news," Merlin started with a proud look of his own on his face.

"Oh? And pray tell what that could be." Arthur said, wiping the sweat off his forehead, brushing his fringe out his face with the back of his arm. It made his hair stick up a bit in the front, and Merlin's lips quirked in a smile momentarily, his neck suddenly getting warm.

He cleared his throat, "Um, I just had a promising interview. I'm pretty sure we have our new Court Sorcerer."

"Yeah?" Arthur asked, slapping Merlin's back. "Who is it?"

"Mordred," Merlin stated simply.

"Mordred, really? Is he still here?" Arthur asked, excited at the prospect of seeing the young druid.

"Yeah, I got him a room in the castle."

"Great job Merlin. Really, you could not have chosen a better candidate." Although Merlin was glad to hear those words from Arthur, they hurt a bit because what he truly wanted was to be the perfect candidate himself. He would be lucky if he could still be Arthur's manservant when this was all over. "Mordred will be perfect because he is a druid."

That confused Merlin a bit. "Is that- was that- are you saying that _because_ he is a druid, he will be perfect, because he is also a great sorcerer, you know, and that seems a bit prejudiced." Merlin asked, a little offended for Mordred.

Arthur let out an indignant noise. "Of course not, _Mer_ lin. I know he is a great sorcerer, we have witnessed that together. I'm saying his ties to the druids will be useful."

"So you are plan on using him?" Merlin asked, now a tad angry.

"Gods, Merlin! Would you actually shut up and listen? Mordred is my friend. I am not using him for his connections, and I know he is powerful and smart, so it would be stupid of me to try. What I am saying is that since Mordred was brought up by the druids, he will be able to make sure that they are all taken care of for me. They will trust him more than me, and frankly, I trust him more than me when it comes to the druids, too."

"Oh," was all Merlin could say.

"Yes, _oh_. Now go fetch me a bath, I feel disgusting. All sweaty and whatnot." Merlin jumped right to it, more than happy to apologise to Arthur with a nice hot bath, and happy to get the image of a sweaty Arthur out of his head.


	7. Hey Jealousy

Author's notes: The reveal is not too far away, my lovelies, so don't feel putout. Love ya! The chapter title is from Gin Blossom's _Hey Jealousy_ , which I recommend you listen to, not that it has anything to do with the storyline, I would just like to give it some attention. It's a great song.

* * *

Arthur was getting more and more excited as the time drew nearer for law to be passed. Sometimes, if he had been thinking about it for a while, he began bouncing in his seat, or walking with an extra pep in his step, and being uncharacteristically nice. Not that he was not generally nice, but his plans made him so happy he could hardly contain all that joy all the time. He once found himself relieving Merlin of his duty in favor of the two taking a long lunch and then just sitting around his chambers, talking and laughing about nothing of importance. Merlin was not the only person he was being nicer to, though. He started making small talk with servants in the corridors, and making more trips to the lower town so that he could mingle and help where he could. Everyone was falling more and more in love with the king. Everyone: skeptic, criminal, maid… manservant.

Arthur approached Merlin while he was making his bed. He stopped right behind Merlin's back, barely a foot away, and quietly said , "Merlin," as a way of announcing himself.

Merlin jumped violently, swearing and stumbling back into Arthur's chest. " _Jesus_ , Arthur. How long have you been standing there?" Merlin asked, his breathing heavy, and heart beating out of control.

Arthur had caught Merlin with his hands on his back when he stumbled, and when he knew Merlin was steady, he turned him around, hands resting just above Merlin's elbows. "Not too long. I have something to ask you."

"Yeah? What's that then?" Merlin asked, not unaware of Arthur's warm hands still on him.

Arthur cleared his throat and lowered his arms, to Merlin's disappointment. Arthur rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. "Well, it's favor, actually. You see, I don't think we should just pass the law, and _BAM_! suddenly magic is legal. We should celebrate is somehow, right? So I was thinking, there should be a festival, the night everything becomes official. And I was thinking that _you_ could organize it, since you did so well with organizing a Court Sorcerer and all." Arthur ended, looking down so Merlin could not see his slightly nervous expression.

To say Merlin was surprised would be an understatement. "You want _me_ to organize a festival? Don't you have people who are paid to do that?"

Arthur huffed a sigh, "So you don't want to-"

"No, Arthur- I mean _yes_! Of _course_ I want to do this for you. I was just shocked you would even ask. But, yes I will do it. Shouldn't be too difficult, right?" Merlin smiled.

Arthur sighed, relieved. "No it shouldn't be too hard for you to handle, and you could always consult those who are paid for this, they'd be happy to help, I think."

"Anything special requests? Fire breathers, storytellers, contortionists?" Merlin asked, smirking.

The examples made Arthur smile, too. He chuckled and said, "No, just make sure that there are magical performances. It will be a festival celebrating magic, after all."

"Should be no trouble, I'll get right to it. When I finish in here, that is."

"You have a month, Merlin. Make it spectacular," Arthur said, patting Merlin on the back in what was supposed to be a reassuring gesture.

Merlin balked a bit. "So no pressure then?"

Arthur slapped Merlin's shoulder and went to leave his room, "None at all. It just has to be perfect." Arthur threw a cheeky grin over his shoulder as he left.

"Prat," Merlin mumbled.

"Heard that!" Arthur said closing the door.

"Good!" Merlin shouted at the empty room, hoping Arthur heard him through the thick wooden door.

Merlin, Arthur, and Mordred sat around the Round Table discussing the upcoming Festival. Well, Merlin was thinking aloud, and Arthur and Mordred were catching up. Merlin had asked them here to help, but now he was doing it alone, it seemed, as he had fallen silent over twenty minutes ago, and the others did not seem to notice. He tapped his quill on the table and glared at the two men across from him.

He found himself glaring more at Mordred than Arthur, though. Sure he expected Mordred to be more helpful, and was disappointed when he was shown otherwise, but that was not the reason for Merlin's intense gaze. Arthur and Mordred had been spending a lot more time together, and not all of it discussing business. Merlin had walked into Arthur's chambers to find the two laughing so hard that Arthur actually _snorted_. The only other time Merlin had heard that was when a visiting dignitary was strolling about the castle and Merlin had whispered a truly offensive- albeit hilariously honest- remark about the man into the then-prince's ear, and Arthur had tried to keep his laughter quiet, but it ended up with him snorting instead. Merlin had not been able to make him do it again, sadly.

Arthur and Mordred had been having meetings that Merlin was not invited to, being told by Arthur that it was Court Sorcerer business, and Merlin need not bother. Which hurt, because Arthur brought Merlin practically _everywhere_ , even on his first dates with ladies Sophia and Elena. 'And Lady Mithian?' Merlin thinks. Whatever the answer, the fact was that Arthur had only excluded Merlin from things when he was a prince and was to meet in private, under Uther's orders.

Merlin sighed sadly. He looked between to two, and tried with all his being to not feel jealous. He tried to feel just upset or a little mad, but his overbearing emotion was jealousy. It did not feel too good. It made his chest tight, like grief did, and his eyes hot like when he was furious, and his magic tingle like when he felt trapped. It was such a complex emotion that Merlin started focusing on what it felt like instead of what was causing it and it calmed him for a moment.

That is, until a new round of obnoxious laughter roused him from his thoughts. The jealousy washed over him again, more intense now that he had began to break it down and identify each component as they affected him. With one last look between the two laughing men, Merlin quietly gathered his things, leaving the hall trying not to bother them. He slipped out the door unnoticed, or so he thought. He was not aware of Arthur's eyes flicking to his back when he saw Merlin open the door, and his smile falter, but he fixed it to continue listening to Mordred, his heart a bit heavy.

Merlin made his escape to his room in the physician's quarters, hoping to actually have a layout of the festival by tonight.

He already planned on the entire thing to span the whole courtyard and parts of the upper town. In the courtyard would be the performers, and those selling wares- or prophesies, or whatever- would set up in the first third or so of the upper town. Merlin thinks that they should expect to see at least three thousand people that night, and he planned on extending the invitation out to the druids. He didn't think Arthur would have an issue with it, but he'd run it by him anyway; if he ever decided to quit fooling about with Mordred, that is. Merlin shook his head to clear those thoughts away. They were disrupting the rhythm he'd had going.

Merlin started a checklist of the types of people he would seek out. He included the fire breathers, storytellers, and contortionists that he had joked about earlier, and added illusionists, psychics, palm- and tea leaf readers as well, and then just wrote ' _sorcerers'_ , wondering how many people would be willing to showcase their talents, doing small things to impress an audience.

With his checklist made, and a rough outline of a setup complete, Merlin felt satisfied for the the night. He put the papers aside and laid back on his bed. He was thinking about Arthur and Mordred again. How happily they got along even though Arthur used to think that warlocks were evil. Merlin wondered if he would ever be able to make Arthur laugh again like Mordred had been able to do today. He sighed, and closed his eyes, deciding to go to sleep instead of dwell on his thoughts.


	8. This Night is Heating Up

Author's notes: my real notes will be at the end, but this chapter's title comes from Panic! At the Disco's song, _Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time_

* * *

Merlin was running from one end of Camelot to the other it seemed. The festival was in full swing and appeared to be going off without too big a hitch. Merlin was busy dealing with what little minor problems arose, like well over _four thousand_ people arriving and Merlin having to redistribute the food. Nothing horrible like dragons eating people or wraiths attacking had happened. Yet. But Merlin had high hopes for tonight; and he wouldn't put it passed Arthur to blame Merlin if a plague suddenly swept through the people.

Turning a corner around a tent, Merlin ran straight into Arthur, chests bumping and all. Arthur brought his hands up to make sure Merlin didn't fall, and slowly lowered them once he saw Merlin was steady. "Oh, Arthur I am so sorry," Merlin rushed out. When he noticed Mordred standing slightly behind Arthur, his heart panged painfully, but he forced a pleased smile onto his face. "Mordred," he said, acknowledging his presence. "How are you two enjoying the festival?"

"I am having so much fun, Merlin. If you weren't so busy taking care of Arthur, I would say you should do this professionally," Mordred laughed, noticing Merlin's false excitement at seeing him at Arthur's side, and trying to lighten his heart.

Arthur scoffed, "He can barely take care of himself, what makes you think he takes care of me?" He looked at Merlin and genuinely smiled at him, "But it is a good party. I am enjoying myself immensely, and I can tell the other are as well. I have yet to see any druids, though. Do you think they received the missive?"

Mordred looked around at the people, just noticing the lack of druids, when he spotted some deep grey cloaks behind Merlin. "You spoke too soon, sire. Look," he nodded his head in the right direction for Arthur. Merlin spun around to have a look, too.

A group of about ten to twelve men and women were all making their way towards the three men. The man leading them was no older than fifty, had a greying beard hanging about four inches from his chin, and a grey cloak over his leather trousers and forest green tunic. He spread his arms wide in a welcoming gesture and introduced himself. "King Arthur, Emrys, and Mordred. So we finally meet." He had nodded at each man as he identified them, confusing Arthur at the use of 'Emrys' but making Merlin freeze with fear. But the man continued without pause, "My name is Hadrian, and I have been given the honor of leading these fine people with me." He turned and introduced them to the king, but Merlin was not listening because all he could hear was his heart pounding away in his ears like a woodpecker.

Merlin stumbled back a step, and steadied himself on the nearest sturdy object, which happened to be Mordred. Merlin looked at him, his fear shining in his eyes and gripped his shoulder more firmly. Mordred looked back and understood what Merlin was trying to convey without words, because Merlin wasn't sure that the telepathic linked wouldn't broadcast across to all the druids. Mordred nodded, and looked back at the people in front of him.

When Merlin tuned back in as well, he caught what they were speaking about, "The news about legalization, although wonderful, came as no surprise to us. We, and by that I mean the druids as a whole, had been informed by Emrys that it would happen in your reign, King Arthur. We are very happy he has kept that promise and remained by-"

That was when Mordred finally cut in, "My Lord, how rude of me! As the Court Sorcerer, I should be seeing these people through these festivities; making sure they are comfortable, and are not harassed. I shall give them a tour! If you would like to follow me, Hadrian?" And with that Mordred all but marched the group through the masses of people who, it appeared, had started dancing.

Arthur looked over at Merlin with a very confused look on his face. When he opened his mouth to speak, Merlin beat him to it. "So what have you not seen yet, sire? Have you been up to the courtyard to see the performers?"

"I- uh- I have seen a few, but only what would be at a typical celebration," Arthur said, distracted.

"Oh, you _have_ to see the magical performances. I saw them through their auditions, and they are all brilliant!" Merlin then reached out and snagged Arthur's hand in order to pull him through the crowds and up to the courtyard.

There in the courtyard, everything seemed to come alive. There was so much activity going on, and everywhere you looked, magic was being used. Arthur, unaccustomed to so much freely-used magic, stared around in wonder. Merlin, in turn, stared at Arthur. His face was lit up with both wonder and the bright moonlight. His eyes couldn't seem to keep still, and they flitted from warlock to witch and back many times. Merlin dragged him over to one performer who was creating shapes and scenes from the fire in the pit at his feet. Arthur stood back, a bit weary at first -his instincts at war with his heart- but as he watched, his fascination got the better of him, and he stepped closer. The sorcerer, upon noticing he was performing for the king himself, stepped up his game. Little butterflies, and dancing maidens transformed into dragons zooming overhead, battling giants and monsters of all sorts. Arthur watched, enraptured, as the battle wore on, and he realized that this was a representation of the first magic war that Gaius told him about. This sorcerer was telling a story, and it was a good one and needed no words. When everything wound down and the last giant was defeated, Arthur pulled a few gold pieces from his pocket and handed it to the stunned man. Arthur then turned to Merlin and asked quietly, "Fancy a walk?"

Merlin answered, "Gladly." And the two proceeded to fight their way passed all the people, and on to the lower town which was deserted. They walked silently for a while until they came to an alley, and then Arthur stopped.

"I wanted to thank you, Merlin. This is truly a perfect festival. I don't think anything could make it better."

Merlin looked up at Arthur pleasantly surprised as a deep flush quickly consumed his face, starting, as always, at his ears. "I- it was- I mean-it was no trouble, really. I had enough time and enough resources. Plus everyone gave their input and-"

" _Mer_ lin, shut. Up," Arthur smirked, and Merlin did just that, smiling at Arthur, embarrassed. "I also wanted to thank you for helping me put all this together, not just the festival, but the laws, and dealing with angry citizens and whatnot," Arthur said, rubbing the back of his neck, not used to thanking Merlin like this.

"But, that was all _you_ Arthur, I didn't-" at a pointed look from Arthur, Merlin's mouth closed with a snap. "Shut. Up?"

Arthur smiled and nodded. He looked at Merlin, and then he _looked_ at Merlin. Not that he hadn't noticed him in that way before tonight, but now he was going to acknowledge it to himself that who he was seeing was not just his gorgeous manservant, but his beautiful best friend. Merlin's blush still had not receded, and it made him look younger and more innocent than he was, and his eyes flickering between the two of Arthur's were a brighter blue because of the red of his face. Arthur felt he could stare at them all night; for the rest of eternity if he could get away with neglecting his kingdom like that. He shuffled forward a couple steps, and came within six inches of Merlin, who seemed shocked to see him so close, as if he had not seen him move. Arthur quirked his lips minutely, and tilted his chin -up?! Damn, had Merlin always been taller?- just barely brushing his nose against Merlin's.

Merlin's eyes went to the size of dinner plates, and he couldn't remember the last time he took a breath. Merlin's brain was reeling, ' _Arthur is going to kiss me! Oh, my gods!'_ but then his conscious caught up to him, and he realized why this would be a disastrous mistake. Because Arthur just thought he was a manservant, not his destiny. Not the magical side of his metaphorical coin. When Merlin was finally able to draw in a breath, it was shaky, and the exhale came out just as ragged. " _Arthur,_ " he all but sobbed, his voice thick.

Arthur drew back, thinking about how stupid he had been. He cleared his throat, "Right, sorry. I didn't mean-"

" _No_ , Arthur. No I want to, I really do. But… I need to tell you something first, and I know you would not appreciate it if I told you a-after you… you know," Merlin gestured between them. They had still been standing pressed together, but Merlin distanced himself from Arthur, like he was protecting himself. He drew in a wobbly breath and said, "Please, let me explain everything first, and if you still want this again, then… I doubt you will, but it's time I told you."

* * *

Notes cont.: No need to tell me how much you hate me for leaving you with a cliffhanger, because I already hate myself for doing it. I hate cliffhangers (which is rich coming from someone with Sherlock being in their top 3 favorite shows. I'll post again. I promise, (girl) scout's honor.


	9. This Love is Strong, Why Do I Feel Weak?

Author's notes: So sorry for not posting last night, but I worked for what felt like an eternity. But here it is. It is actually what I had planned on being _two_ chapters, but I condensed them, otherwise it would have been another cliffhanger sort, and only about 800 words. So... enjoy. This chapter's title is from Sam Smith's Song _How Will I Know_

* * *

Merlin guided Arthur by the hand towards a bench next to an abandoned fire. Lighting the fire -not by magic, definitely not now- Merlin sat beside Arthur, careful to leave some distance between them. Merlin's hands were shaking violently, so he squeezed them between his knees and drew in an unsteady breath. Arthur furrowed his brow at Merlin's shaking hands, concerned that he was going to be told that Merlin was dying or something. He brought his eyes back to Merlin's when he noticed that Merlin opened his mouth to speak.

Mouth wide open, Merlin just stared at Arthur for a moment. Then he had to look away, because he didn't think that he would be able to get a word out if he could actually _see_ the point when he broke Arthur's heart. "R-right..hmmm…" Merlin's breathing was so unsteady it was affecting his speech. He tried again, "I um- hmmm. Well I want to let you know that everything I say here will be the whole truth, nothing will be false, but I want you ask you to please let me finish before you speak or react, or anything. That is all I ask. Can you do that for me?" Arthur hesitated slightly before nodding his head twice. Relieved, Merlin inhaled shakily and started, "Right, so, um. Well, another thing you need to know is that all of my actions had only been to protect you and Camelot. I _never_ did anythi-" Merlin paused, thinking about freeing Kilgharrah. "Okay, only _once_ , but I did not know the consequences, I should have, but I didn't, and it was for the greater good. But I'll get to that eventually."

Merlin paused to get himself back on track, and decided to start at the very beginning. "Okay, so the real reason I came to Camelot was because I did not fit in and my mother thought my life was in danger, and that Gaius could watch out for me. He's an old family friend," Merlin smirked nervously. "She sent me to Gaius because I'm a-" Merlin gasped in a breath, feeling his eyes get hot. "-because I'm a s-s-sorcerer, Arthur. I have magic." At his confession, he _had_ to look Arthur, he felt compelled to because some _little_ bity part of him hoped that _maybe_ Arthur either already knew, or would accept him with open arms. What he saw instead made him look quickly back at the ground, and swallow down a sudden sob. Arthur had frozen, staring deep into the fire, his face blank. _Any_ emotion at all would have been good, Merlin could deal with anger, but this lack of expression Merlin knew was a bad sign. The last time Arthur looked like this was when he banished Gwen from Camelot.

But true to his word, Arthur let Merlin continue, he didn't immediately draw his sword or start yelling. Whether he was actually _listening_ , Merlin didn't know. "I was -uh- born with m-magic, I didn't ask for any of this to happen to me, but I haven't tried to get rid of it either, because I'm not _ashamed_ of my magic. What I'm ashamed of is not confiding in you, Arthur. Because you are my best friend, and I will do anything you ask of me. I know I should have told you sooner, and I am definitely regretting that now, because I'm sure we could have worked through this if I had. But I feel like I have waited way too long, and you're going to resent me for it, which I was trying to avoid at all costs, but I _can't_ anymore, Arthur. You need to know, and deserved to know about four years ago." Merlin stopped, breathing in to stop himself from breaking down and sobbing now. He needed to finish.

"I thought you were the biggest prat on the planet when I first saved your life, actually, which should mean something, I hope. It was day when Lady Helen came to sing and then tried to kill you. I stopped her. Almost not in time, but I did, thankfully. I have done so much for you Arthur, and I'm not saying this to get any kind of recognition, because I don't need or _want_ it. I want you to know that even though I have betrayed your trust, I never did it with evil intentions."

Merlin swallowed, trying to wet his dry mouth, and snuck a glance at Arthur. He hadn't moved, not an inch. Looking back at what he was now thinking of as his 'safe zone' Merlin continued, "So I'll just start telling you some of the things that _actually_ happened, shall I?" Merlin chuckled, weakly, and a bit sadly.

Merlin then spent the next hour going over some of the events that had taken place, and how they _actually_ happened. He picked some that he thought were more important than others, but mentioned that there was more so that he was keeping his promise about telling the whole truth; and then he definitely went back to explain the whole releasing-the-dragon-was-a-good-thing part.

Once Merlin finished, he drew in a deep breath, hoping to feel better, but it didn't work. He turned towards Arthur one more time, "So, um, do you- do you have any questions, about an-anything?"

Arthur didn't move or turn to look at Merlin, and he did not say anything. Merlin kept looking at the blank face next to him, and started squirming slightly, wishing Arthur would do something, _anything_ really.

Then he did. But it was to get to his feet and slowly make his way back to the castle. Not a word spoken, or glance thrown in Merlin's direction.

Merlin felt the tears that he thought he had gotten rid of finally run down his face silently, and he took a shuddering breath, looking at his hands still tucked between his knees, too afraid to look at Arthur's retreating figure.

* * *

Merlin stayed out by the embers of the dying fire for another hour or so, contemplating sleeping on the hard bench, not entirely trusting his legs to carry him. However, he eventually managed to force himself to stand and slowly make his way to the physician's chambers.

Once there, Merlin quietly opened the door, trying not to wake up Gaius, and crept to his bedroom. He climbed to two steps, opened his door, and carefully closed it behind him. He leaned back against the door, feeling his tears begin to fall again, and proceeded to strip himself of his clothing and crawl under his covers, praying to never have to leave their security ever again.

In the morning, Merlin woke to Gaius knocking on the door, "Merlin, you can't oversleep today, Arthur has a big day ahead of him, and he'll need your help. Come on, get moving."

Merlin rolled out of bed and pulled on some clothes. Doing up his boots, he thought about what he was going to do about Arthur.

Just thinking about him made Merlin's chest hurt.

He left his room, nodded in Gaius' direction, and made his way towards the kitchens to fetch Arthur's breakfast.

Surprisingly, Arthur was already awake and dressed when Merlin knocked quietly and walked in. Merlin set the food tray on the table, poured some water in a goblet for Arthur, and then began to tidy up the room.

Wordlessly, Arthur went and sat at the table, but picked at his food. Merlin noticed, and said nothing. But then he had a thought. An unpleasant one, yes, but it could be their only salvation.

"Um... sire?" Arthur flinched, but gave no other indication that he was listening, so Merlin carried on. "I was w-wondering, if it would be possible if I could take some time off to go visit my mother in Ealdor. It's been awhile since I've seen her, and I think now is a good time." Merlin finished and cleared his throat, feeling a sudden thickness in it. When Arthur still didn't respond, Merlin took that as a 'no' and resumed cleaning the room.

"Do you plan on coming back?" Arthur asked in a quiet voice, almost a whisper, making Merlin jump.

He had said it with just a touch of an emotion that Merlin could not identify. And truthfully, he didn't think he wanted to. Arthur reading between the lines should not have been surprising, but to actually have him speak it aloud Merlin's thoughts was what was shocking. Merlin himself did not know whether he wanted or even should return.

"I -uh- I don't know, sire."

Arthur nodded his head, like he knew that would be Merlin's response. "Go ahead," Arthur said, with a little wave, as if he were dismissing Merlin. Merlin hurriedly gathered the clothes he piled in a basket, and cleared the table, seeing as Arthur wasn't going to finish it. Then, with his arms loaded, he left the room, not looking back to see Arthur's face.

* * *

Merlin did not wait to start packing. As soon as he had taken the laundry and dishes down to the kitchen for cleaning, Merlin quickly went back to his room, and started throwing everything he owned into his knapsack.

He was mostly done when Gaius returned, and noticed Merlin's door wide open, with the boy running back and forth. He approached the room just as Merlin was sliding the book of spells into his pack. "You told him, didn't you?" Gaius asked, seeming to discern it all from Merlin's face.

Merlin's jaw started to quiver, and then, once again, he was crying. He drew in a great stuttering breath and put his face in his hands. Gaius came up to him, turned Merlin to face him, and pulled him into a hug. He rubbed his back, trying to soothe the poor boy. "Is he sending you away, or are you running?"

Merlin answered in a small, wet voice, "I asked him if I could go visit Mum, and he said yes, which was the first thing he's said to me since I told him everything last night. He didn't say a _word_ , Gaius. Just got up and left. So I thought it best if I leave Camelot."

"A wise move, in my opinion," Gaius said, which made Merlin stiffen. "It gives him time to think everything through and cool off. Some time apart will be good for you two." Gaius continued to rub Merlin's back.

"But Gaius, I l-lo-"

"Shhhh, I _know_ , Merlin. I know." That soothed Merlin more than it probably should have. To know that Gaius was aware of how he felt about Arthur. If it was that obvious, maybe Arthur would know that Merlin was sincere in his explanations. Maybe. Hopefully.

After packing his things, Merlin finished his chores, which, thankfully, were not in the castle, then found a young serving boy to take Arthur his dinner, then wake him in the morning. He would basically take over Merlin's spot until Arthur decided to find someone else.

* * *

With everything settled, and just before sunset, Merlin walked out of Camelot with a letter to Hunith from Gaius and his heart feeling broken beyond belief.


	10. The Ghost of You

Author's notes: A few chapters left, and I'm not sure how many because I have deviated quite a bit from what I had planned. But, hey, that's how these things go, right? Anyways, the title for this chapter is brought to you by My Chemical Romance's perfect song _The Ghost of You_

* * *

Merlin had been riding towards Ealdor for the better part of seven hours when he finally couldn't stand the tornado of thought rushing and crashing around in his head anymore. All he could think about was Arthur's blank face, and the almost cold voice he had spoken to Merlin with. Merlin had his head between his knees, and was drawing in steady breaths. He was sitting right off the edge of the path so that anyone who happened to pass wouldn't see him and stop to ask questions.

Merlin may or may not have been twisting the events of _that_ night over in his head. Every time he thought back on it, it seemed Arthur got either angrier or more disgusted. Maybe Merlin was projecting his own feeling onto Arthur. He was definitely angry and a bit disgusted at himself. Look at him, he was running away. From _Arthur_.

Merlin shook his head to clear his thoughts. He was not running away. He was giving Arthur some space so that he could think about everything that had happened. And maybe, one day, he would let Merlin come back. He let Gwen come back, after all.

Merlin took one last deep breath in, then stood up, and set off to Ealdor to see his mum.

* * *

Back in Camelot, Arthur and Mordred sit in complete silence in Arthur's bedchambers where they _were_ having a classified meeting. Arthur had zoned out a little while ago, which left Mordred to his own thoughts.

When Mordred could no longer stand the silence, and not just today's, Mordred spoke, "I take it Merlin told you he was a sorcerer then?" He asked, not really a question.

Arthur's attention snapped to him immediately. "You _knew_?" he asked, outraged.

Mordred cleared his throat, almost regretting bringing this up if it would just make him a target to Arthur's wrath. "Well, um, yes."

Arthur's breathing got heavy and fast. He was pissed. He clenched his fist, trying to reign in his fury, but it was getting impossible. Merlin trusted _Mordred_ more than he trusted Arthur? His fist clenched tighter his knuckles turning white, which Mordred noticed with a bit of fear. Still, Arthur's thoughts whirred. ' _So he didn't trust me afterall. Just used me as protection. No, Merlin would never do that. But he still didn't trust me enough with his life. How could he trust_ Mordred _more than me? Merlin and i are best friends. I need to know why. Why didn't he tell me.'_ Arthur's control finally snapped. He slammed his hand palm down on the table, startling Mordred, but Arthur didn't care, he needed answers. "Why would he tell _you_ , and not me?"

Mordred saw the root of Arthur's fear and sought out to soothe him. "He never told me, Arthur. I promise you that. Any druid would be able to recognize Emrys when in his presence."

Mordred could see that that had calmed Arthur a bit. Then Arthur's brows furrowed again. "The druid from the festival, Hadrian, said something about 'Emrys', what is that?"

" _Who_ , Arthur. And it's Merlin. Emrys is his druid name. It is thought that Emrys was the child of magic itself, that he was born to save and protect all magic kind, which includes you, my lord," Mordred smiled softly. "Merlin did not seek out other sorcerers to learn his magic, he comes by it naturally, I'm sure he was doing it before he could walk. He doesn't even need spells to cast, I've seen seen him do things instinctively. He only needs the words to sharpen his casting.

"It was once foretold that Emrys would be the greatest sorcerer to ever walk the earth." Arthur looked up at Mordred at this, curiosity winning out over his anger. "He has been by your side through everything, Arthur. If Emrys really wanted to rule or destroy you or Camelot, it would have been done long ago. He has had ample opportunity, and boundless magic. Merlin's destiny is to protect the Once and Future King of Albion. He has dedicated his life to protecting yours." Mordred paused, taking a breath to gather his thoughts.

"Trust him, sire. The only reason he did not tell you sooner was because he was scared, and deep down, you knew that already." With that, Mordred got up, and left Arthur to his thoughts.

Arthur looked down at his hands, thinking through everything Mordred had just told him. This was not the first time he had been told that he was the Once and Future King. And Merlin was constantly going on and on about his ' _destiny_ '. Then it all finally clicks into place in Arthur's mind.

Not that Arthur fully doubted him, but now he _really_ believed every word that Merlin had told him. Merlin _was_ stupidly loyal. That made Arthur grin for the first time in what felt like centuries. He had thrown himself into the fire too many times for Arthur to have any illicit plans for Camelot's demise.

Then his smile fell when he saw in his mind Merlin's sorrowful face when he asked if he could leave Camelot. Arthur's heart clenched when he thought about Merlin's response to Arthur asking if he would be returning. Merlin had looked truthful and grief-stricken when he said he did not know. Which had broken Arthur's heart, because he did not know how long he could survive without Merlin by his side.

Arthur put his head in his hands, and thought about how he could possibly fix this whole mess. But a little more time couldn't hurt. He was still a bit sore from the news.


	11. Since You've Been Gone

Author's notes: This one is short because the next one is gonna be looooong. So be prepared, and don't expect it to be published tomorrow because it will take a while to write and I need it to be _perfect_. So hang on to your pantaloons a be ready. For what, I'm not sure yet. but enjoy this one. The title for this chapter is from Kelley Clarkson's song _Since You've Been Gone_

* * *

Merlin never thought it would be so depressing to be able to do magic openly. Right now, he is sitting on the bench at the table in his mother's kitchen while he watches lunch make itself. His mother is outside, getting some clean water herself, she said she didn't want to just sit around all day doing nothing. Merlin has his elbow on the table with his head propped in his hand. He can see the carrots being cut into equal sizes, and the potatoes peeling themselves, but all he can really see is the Camelot kitchens. He also never really thought that he would miss the castle this much. He knew he'd miss Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, and other people, he just never knew he had started to see Camelot as more of a home than the one he was in now.

Hunith quietly opened the back door, not wanting to disturb Merlin's thoughts, especially if he was considering going back. She loved her son more than life itself, of course she did. And she has missed him dearly, but if he was this unhappy, she didn't want him to stay. She put the pot with the water in it on the wood stove, and grabbed the knife that was now mincing celery out of the air, and it went willingly, the magic leaving it the moment it touched her skin. She turned to Merlin, toying with the paring knife between her hands, and asked, "So, how long are you here this time, Merlin?"

Merlin continued to gaze unseeingly at the potatoes when he sighed and said, "I was actually thinking of staying, Mum." He looked at his mother, and tried to force a smile that did not convince Hunith even a little. "I could help you with the crops, the harvest is coming soon and it looks like it will be bountiful this year. Won't hurt to have a bit of _extra_ help," Merlin waggled his fingers to imply his meaning.

Merlin's attempt at trying to lighten the mood had the opposite effect on his mother. Her frown deepened, and she looked sadly at Merlin. "You know you are more than welcome to come back home, honey. I have missed you so much. But you can't run away from this one. You need to go back"

Merlin gulped and looked away from his mother's gaze. He pinched his nose between his fingers then wiped his palm over his face quickly when he felt his nose sting, threatening tears. He sniffed them back, sick or crying, and looked out the window over the sink. "I'm not running, Mum. I'm escaping. I'm trying to move on and start my own life. Because since day one in Camelot, my life was Arthur Pendragon. Everything revolved around him, and for the longest time I hated it. But recently… well I'd come to be proud of it." He sniffed again, and looked in his mother's warm eyes. "And now, here I am. Not in Camelot. Not Arthur's manservant. And not Arthur's friend. So I have to be something now, and I choose to be a farmer. With a special skill set."

Hunith was about to reply, when they heard a small commotion just outside. Merlin released his magic from the food out of habit. Hunith went to the door, and saw a horse with a female rider, one she vaguely recognized. She smiled broadly at her when their eyes caught. Then she smirked at her son over her shoulder, saying "You've always been something, Merlin. But now someone is here to rescue _you_."

Merlin stood up, confused, and went to the door. He let out a surprised laugh, threw it open, and all but ran to engulf gwen in a hug. "Gwen! What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Merlin. It's been a while." Gwen said disapprovingly, but she smiled brightly and hugged Merlin back just as tightly. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. C'mon, let's go inside." Merlin took Gwen's hand, and dragged her through the door and to the table. "Have a seat, I'll get you some water, while you answer my question: why are you here?"

"I wanted to come see you, Merlin. It's been over two weeks, that's a lengthy holiday."

"Holiday?" Merlin asked, confused.

"Yeah, Arthur said you went on holiday, said you needed some time off," Gwen asked, her brows drawn.

"Um, yeah. Time off. But I don't think I'll be coming back, and I know Arthur knows that too." Merlin confessed, head bowed to the floor avoiding Gwen's penetrating gaze.

Gwen stood up and approached Merlin. "Is that why he's been sulking about the castle for weeks?" Merlin looked up at that. Gwen sensed his unasked questions. "Yes, _sulking_ half the time, and frustrated the other half. He had to get George to be his manservant because all of the other's weren't willing to face his mood swings," Gwen chuckled. "What happened, Merlin? Did you two have a falling out? Because it's happened before, and you've come through at the end every other time."

Merlin drew in a deep breath, wondering how much Arthur has shared. "It's a bit more complicated than any other time, Gwen. I don't think I'll be coming back because I told him… that I'm a-uh- I'm a sorcerer." Merlin looked away, not wanting to watch another friendship crumble, but when nothing happened he looked up.

Gwen was smiling slightly, a little sadly, but with a hint of relief. "I've had my suspicions since my father's miraculous return to health from that sickness, but it's never been strong enough for me to confront you about it. You are a strange one, Merlin, full of surprises. But that doesn't change the situation between you and Arthur."

"Yes it does! Gwen, I've betrayed his trust, there is no coming back from that." Merlin cried, frustrated.

Gwen sighed, also frustrated. "You didn't betray his trust, Merlin. Surprised the hell out of him? Definitely. But he can still trust you. You never destroyed Camelot." Merlin looked at her not swayed by her argument. Gwen huffed, "He's _miserable_ , okay? He keeps telling me how he can't wait to get rid of George, because he does everything _too perfectly_." That got Merlin to smile.

Merlin looked down at the counter, thinking about everything that Gwen has told him. Then she opened her mouth to say something else, "So, Merlin, you never answered _my_ question: how long are you staying?"

Merlin smiled, "Did my mother have you come to kick me out?" Gwen quirked her lips. Merlin looked back down. "I don't, I really don't know, Gwen."

"Okay," Gwen said decisively, "so you have the rest of the week, and then we go back to Camelot," at Merlin's incredulous look, Gwen continued, " _together_. I'm on holiday, too. But I only have a few days, or Lancelot get's worried," she smirked.

Merlin laughed at that. "Fine. But you have to help me finish lunch."

"Oh no, magic boy. Show me what you got. Go on, you know you want to impress me." Gwen waved him on, and Merlin smiled at Gwen to thank her for being alright with everything. She smiled back knowingly. That was why he liked Gwen, she knew who you were beneath the exterior and the fluff. Even though being a sorcerer was in no way, fluff.

Merlin cracked his knuckles, and pretended to stretch out his muscles, which made Gwen laugh. He shook out his hands and rolled his neck, then said dramatically, "Prepare to be amazed."


	12. Afire Love

Author's notes: IF YOU DID NOT NOTICE BEFORE, I HAVE CHANGED THE RATING. AND FOR A REASON! If you did not sign up for the smutty goodness, all is well, just skip it; you'll know when it starts, and it goes to the end of the chapter. If you _did_ sign up for the smutty goodness, well here you go! This is my first attempt, and I am quite proud. I also have no idea where it came from. It just sort of happened. This is not the last chapter, but things are winding down. Enjoy, I love, and let me know if the lovin' was horrible. The title for this chapter is from Ed Sheeran's song _Afire Love_

* * *

Merlin arrive back in Camelot after four days more days spent in Ealdor. The walk back, because Gwen was courteous enough to not ride her horse while Merlin walked, took longer than usual because Merlin was stalling. Gwen saw right through Merlin's meandering gait and constant bathroom breaks, but indulged him anyways because, at least he going back home.

When the two finally arrived in the courtyard, it was pretty quiet, and Merlin could sense a tenseness to the air. When he looked to Gwen, she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "Arthur must have been in a bad mood this morning. All the servants have taken to hiding from everyone is terrified of him."

"Everyone except you, of course," Merlin quipped with his lips twitching into a smirk.

Gwen smiled back and admitted to Merlin, "I-uh- I never told him that I was coming to fetch you, actually. So that's why I think he's not out here right now."

Merlin's eyes widened at the news but said, "I don't think he'd be out here anyways, Gwen. But I'm glad you didn't tell him. It means I can plan what I'll do when I see him." Merlin's light-ish mood from travelling with Gwen was now pushed out of the way for his guilt, but he resolved to do something about that. "So please, don't tell him I'm here yet?"

Gwen nodded, and gathered her bag and left to go home, giving Merlin a quick hug as she passed him. Merlin took his own pack and made his way towards Gaius' chambers. When he opened the door, Gaius smiled at him warmly and walked towards him for a hug of his own. "Glad to see you back, my boy."

"Glad to see you, too Gaius," Merlin said with bright smile.

"Go get settled, and quickly. I need you to make a tincture for me while I attend to the flu spreading around the lower town.

Gaius grabbed his medical bag and instructed Merlin which herbs to grind for the tincture. As Gaius was leaving, Merlin mumbled under his breath, "Right. Good to be back."

* * *

That evening after Merlin finished unpacking, and making the herb mixture for Gaius' patient, Merlin left the safety of his chambers and went down to the castle kitchens. He shook hands, hugged, and apologised to the very frenzied servants, and got quite an earful of what all had been going on while he was 'galavanting along the countryside' as one particularly cross paige said.

When Merlin finally made it down to the kitchens to retrieve Arthur's dinner, he ran into George, who, not surprisingly, looked upset to see him. "I should have known you'd come back eventually," he sniffed, thrusting a tray laden with a variety of food on it into Merlin's unsuspecting hands with a, "Here," and walking away briskly.

Merlin promptly turned around and jogged up the stairs to Arthur's chambers.

Knocking on the door, Merlin actually waited until he heard Arthur gave permission before entering. However, when Arthur shouted, "George, come in! I know it's you, and I already told you that you didn't have to knock, just come in!" Merlin's heartbeat faltered a bit. He shook his head, and made his way inside.

"You always got mad when I entered without knocking, though," Merlin said quietly with a very small, sad smirk on his face.

Arthur turned around quickly, his eyes widening. "Merlin," he whispered, stunned. Then he composed himself, and a blankness fell over his features that Merlin was hoping he would never see again. "Ah, so you're finally back then. How is your mother?" he asked, not coldly, but with a distant tone.

Merlin's brow furrowed, but then looked away from Arthur's indifferent expression and swallowed back his heartache. "She's good. Thank you for asking." Gwen had told him that Arthur was miserable, but it didn't seem that way to Merlin. He seemed more miserable with Merlin here, bringing him dinner.

When he felt he could look at Arthur without protesting his feigned nonchalance, he did. They stared at each other, both with different expressions -Arthur's guarded, and Merlin's hurt, but trying to appear otherwise- but with the same thoughts running through their minds. They both were hoping desperately to move passed this awkward, tense exchange, and get on to how they used to be, but neither knowing how to do it or wanting to be the one to make the first move. They, knew, though, that however hard they prayed, things would never go back to how they used to be. They had both changed from these events.

Merlin was the first to break the stare-down, and sat the tray down on the table. The movement startled Arthur into motion, who went to eat when Merlin left to get some sleep clothes out of the armoire. Both men avoided the other's eyes when they crossed paths.

The rest of the night passed without any more words spoken, and when Merlin finally walked out the chamber doors, it left both of them feeling sadly relieved.

* * *

Merlin and Gwen were walking side by side in the hallway, Merlin carrying fresh linens for Arthur's room, and Gwen clean laundry for some dignitary, when they ran into Arthur. Merlin more literally than Gwen.

"Oh, um, sorry, I wasn't-" Arthur stopped when he realized it was Merlin he ran into, he quickly released the shoulder's he was steadying and stumbled back a few steps.

Merlin stooped to pick up the scattered sheets while Arthur stood there uncomfortably, with Gwen glaring at Arthur when Merlin couldn't see. Arthur pretended to not see also.

With all the linen in hand again, Merlin bowed his head to Arthur, who rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and hurriedly continued on his way. Merlin started to walk too, and Gwen caught up to him easily. Merlin glanced over and saw Gwen's probing, unhappy gaze, and resigned himself to uneasy questions.

"Merlin, you've been back over a week now. Are you guys still not talking?" Merlin cleared his throat, but didn't answer. But his silence was answer enough for Gwen, "Unbelievable. Actually, no. It _is_ believable. You too can be so emotionally stunted at the most inopportune times, and stubborn always. You need to talk your way through this one, it won't solve itself."

Merlin had already known that. "It's not like I haven't tried to talk to him, but he shuts me down the few times I had. So I stopped trying. We'll figure something out," Merlin said quietly, not sounding convinced of his own words at all.

Gwen glared at him, but decided that it wasn't Merlin she was mad at. It was Arthur.

* * *

Later that day, Gwen confronted Arthur in his chambers. She came under the pretense of delivering a flower arrangement, but when she saw him lurking at the window, looking down where she _knew_ Merlin was helping Arthur's guest pack up his caravan, Gwen dropped her facade, and slammed the vase of flowers down on the table. Arthur spun around, at first irritated at the unnecessarily loud noise, but then a bit concerned for his well-being when he spotted Gwen's irate expression.

"He's been back ten days, you moon over him from your window, he treads around you like a kicked puppy, but when you run into him in the hallway, suddenly you act as if you don't know him? What is _with_ you, Arthur? I know what he is, and what it must have done to you. But I also know what you were like when he wasn't here, so you can't lie to me, Arthur Pendragon." Gwen ranted, not giving any heed to Arthur's kingly status and her own servant one. They were friends and she needed to speak to him like one.

Arthur looked away from her and crossed his arms over his chest. Gwen huffed in frustration, and threw her arms up in the air. "Gods, Arthur! You are so stubborn. You'd rather cut off your own toe than admit your feelings for Merlin?" Gwen stopped when she realized what she had said. Of course _she_ knew that they loved each other, she just didn't know if Arthur knew that he loved Merlin.

Arthur glared at Gwen this time, but conceded defeat. His shoulders slumped and his arms fell to his side. He brought a hand up and covered his eyes, head bowed slightly. Since it didn't seem like Arthur was going to speak during this intervention, Gwen decided to speak for him. "He's still the Merlin you knew, Arthur. All that has changed is that you will now be aware of all the magic he does for you. Just talk to him. The worst that can happen is that things continue the way they are now."

What Gwen had said was meant to be reassuring, but Arthur saw Gwen's worst-case scenario as truly heartbreaking. He doesn't think that he could continue to see Merlin's averted gaze as he skirted around Arthur for the rest of eternity. Each walking on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing, fearing breaking the delicate balance that things were in now.

When Gwen silently left, Arthur went back to the window, but the dignitaries caravan was already out of sight, and Merlin was gone too.

* * *

Feeling sufficiently reprimanded by Gwen, Arthur vowed to himself to at least _talk_ to Merlin tonight. So when Merlin quietly knocked on his chamber door, and let himself in, bringing with him Arthur's dinner, Arthur's heart was trying to escape his chest. He doesn't know if he had ever felt this nervous before, which was ridiculous because he has had some truly, _horrifically_ embarrassing discussions with Merlin. This was going to be a relatively tame conversation, he wasn't going to ask how many people had died by Merlin's magic or how many more could have been saved if Arthur had known before.

Oh gods. Now he was even more nervous because he definitely did _not_ want to ask Merlin those things. Oh! What if they slipped out on accident? He wanted to make progress, not make Merlin run again.

As all of this was going down in Arthur's brain, he stood, not really seeing anything. Merlin, on the other hand, had sat the food at the table, and announced dinner to Arthur. When he had not responded, he called his name again, "Arthur?" He walked a few steps closer. "Arthur? Hello?"

Arthur snapped out of his thoughts to find Merlin, not across the room, but directly in front of him. "Oh, um," he cleared his throat. "Thank you, Merlin. Would you -um- care to join me?" He scratched behind his ear nervously and walked towards the table without waiting for Merlin's answer.

The request surprised Merlin, but in a pleasant way, something he hadn't felt in quite a while. "Uh, yeah. Yes of course, sire."

"Um, could you just call me Arthur, please?" Arthur asked with pleading eyes. "We're dining as friends, so please, no titles."

That made Merlin smile hesitantly. "In that case, of course I will, clotpole," Merlin said turning his small smile into a mischievous one.

" _Oi!_ " Arthur exclaimed, mock outraged. "Watch it. Just because I said no titles, doesn't mean I'm not your king."

"But that's how I address my friends, _Arthur_ ," Merlin huffed, stressing the fact that he called him by his name, even though he has done so since the beginning.

Arthur rolled his eyes, but let it slide. "I know there is only food here for one, but I think we'll manage. I thought that we could start to actually _talk_ again, because even though you're good for nothing, I miss your inane chatter," Arthur said, deliberately baiting Merlin.

Merlin reacted just as was expected, "It's not _inane_ if you can't understand it, Arthur. It means it's _intellectual_." Merlin said, mock offended.

That made Arthur burst out laughing, which, in turn, forced Merlin to laugh. Soon they were almost doubled over, the whole situation seeming funnier than it actually was because they were both filled with such relief that everything wasn't completely ruined. "Oh, gods. I've missed this," Arthur sighed, rubbing tears from his eyes.

The two made eye contact and held it for a while. Then they began to think on why it was that they were so relieved. Merlin looked away first, again, and said, "Listen, Arthur. I need to you to know I never meant for this to happen."

The words hit Arthur in a different than he thought they were meant to. "So you regret telling me?"

"What? N- no! I could just go back in time, and fix-" Merlin stuttered.

"Well you can't. What's done is done. So let's move on," Arthur interrupted.

"We can't just _move on_. You said it yourself, we need to talk about this. But what happened to we were doing before? We were _laughing_ , Arthur," Merlin said, trying not to let his frustration turn into something more watery.

"Before was me trying to move on. To forget about how _betrayed_ I felt I learned that my _best friend_ had been lying to me for _years_ , Merlin!" Arthur burst out, standing from his chair. "That was me trying to let it go and pretend nothing happened! Because when you told me you were a sorcerer, it made me think about everything that has happened to us, and if any of it was _real_."

That made Merlin flinch, causing tears to form in his eyes, which only made him angry and he also rose from his chair. "I already apologized, and told you I regretted not telling you, what more do you want from me?" At the last word, Merlin's voice cracked which caught Arthur's attention.

Arthur walked so that he was standing directly in front of Merlin, blocking Merlin in between his body and the table. Neither seeming to realize their proximity. "What I want _Merlin_ , is the truth. I want to know if you truly felt something for me, or if you were just playing nice so that if I ever found out I wouldn't chop off your head?"

A tear finally slid down Merlin's cheek, but he didn't pay it any attention. "How could you ask me that?" Merlin whispered. His whole body trembling. He quickly wiped his face off with the back of his hand, because when one tear fell, they wouldn't stop. "I didn't want to tell you so that we could avoid _this_ ," Merlin said firmly, indicating the fight going on between them. "But I have _never_ lied to you about my feelings, Arthur. I have always believed you are the _greatest_ man to have walked the earth, and I wouldn't take it back if my life depended on it. I thought I had proved that to you enough times by now. I know that with everything that happened with Morgana made you more weary of people getting close to you, but I have _always_ been there for you, and I always _will be_!" Merlin all but shouted in Arthur's face.

Arthur stood there, fuming, face inches away from Merlin's. Then he surged forward, crashing his lips onto Merlin's painfully, but it didn't matter. He needed Merlin, and he needed him _now_.

After a couple of seconds, Merlin tried to tear himself away, but Arthur was persistent and moved his sucking kisses down Merlin's neck, "Ah! Ar-Arthur! Shouldn't we-ah!- keep talking?" Merlin asked, quickly losing focus.

"I am talking, just not with words. Let me love you, Merlin. Please." Arthur whispered, now placing delicate, feather light kisses back up Merlin's neck, under his jaw, and across his cheeks until he stopped with a last one on the crease above Merlin's upper lip, waiting for Merlin to answer.

When Merlin realized that Arthur was waiting for confirmation to continue -because he had already let himself give in- he nodded frantically, and gasped out, "Yes, yes. Of course, Arthur."

Arthur placed a gentle kiss to Merlin's lips, and brought his hands up to cup Merlin's jaw, rubbing the tears off the beautiful face with his thumbs. Arthur looked between Merlin's red-rimmed, crystal-clear blue eyes, as he brought his face closer again for a deep, tender kiss. Their lips moved in sync surprisingly quickly, and soon, Merlin was tracing his tongue along the seem of Arthur's lips who opened up eagerly. Then they were kissing with so much heat and passion, they had to break apart multiple times to draw in breaths.

Before now, Merlin had not known what to do with his hands, but once his tongue touched Arthur's, his body began reacting on instinct. One hand was quick to latch into Arthur's perfect blonde hair, while the other, obviously dirtier one, slithered down and grabbed a handful of Arthur's firm arse. Arthur jumped a bit in surprise, which caused his hips to buck forward unexpectedly. When their groins crashed together, the two men broke their kiss with groans of pleasure, and rested their foreheads against each other. They looked into the other's eyes for a moment, smiling quickly, then surged back together.

Now that they were both fully turned on, obvious when the groin-crashing happened, things started to move along even faster than they were before. Arthur's own hand same down and scooped up _two_ hands full of arse, and hefted Merlin onto the table, pushing plates of untouched food out of the way.

Merlin gladly laid back, forcing Arthur to climb atop him, straddling the narrow hips beneath him. Oh gods! _Beneath him_! He actually had Merlin beneath him in a decidedly non-platonic way. And it was _glorious_! Arthur moaned into the furiously hot kiss just at the thought.

Merlin's hands were running themselves up and down Arthur's sides, rucking up his shirt and teasing the skin underneath. Arthur's hands were propping himself up over Merlin, but when those questing hands found his nipples, Arthur straightened himself up, sitting back on Merlin's upper thighs. He threw his shirt over his head, and it landed in some part of the room. Merlin's fingers returned to the apparently sensitive nipples, while he looked up at Arthur's deliciously debauched self as he sat across his hips. When Merlin lightly rolled the pert bud between his forefinger and thumb, Arthur gasped, and rolled his hips against Merlin's crotch on accident. Which just spurred on another roll, and another until Arthur leaned forward, placing his hands on either side of Merlin's head, mouth open at Merlin's neck, and rolled his hips deliberately.

Merlin's eyes rolled back into his head, never having felt this much pleasure before, and grasped Arthur's strong hips for dear life as they writhed together. "Oh, _Ar-Arthur!_ Arthur, please, I'm _so_ close. Please. The bed, please. Ah!"

A few more rolls later, Arthur reluctantly climbed off the table, dragging Merlin into a seated position. Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur's neck and proceeded to snog the breath from Arthur's lungs. Arthur, in turn, grabbed onto Merlin's buttocks, and hoisted him in the air. Merlin quickly wound his long legs about Arthur's waist, not getting distracted from Arthur's heavenly mouth.

Arthur backed them towards the bad, and fell back onto it, unfortunately breaking the kiss. They were due for some air anyways. Merlin swooped down to attack Arthur's neck, making his way down to suck bruises along his collar bones. Arthur's neck was also surprisingly sensitive, so Merlin's ministrations were particularly arousing. His head flopped backwards, and his pelvis thrust upwards, then Merlin had a writhing king beneath him.

Arthur latched his hands onto Merlin's arse again, and groaned out, " _More_ , _Merlin_. _More, please._ " And how could Merlin say no to that?"

"Do you mind if I do things the fast and easy way?" Merlin whispered into Arthur's ear, lightly licking the lobe then nibbling there a bit, too.

Arthur shook his head hastily, unable to speak. Merlin chuckled darkly, then murmured some words under his breath. In the next instant, Arthur found himself skin to skin to Merlin, and he knew he was in heaven. He was able to groan out, "Oh, _gods_!" before Merlin rendered him speechless again by rubbing his naked erection against Arthur's.

Before Arthur reached his climax, he was able to gain a little control of himself. Enough to flip them over so that Merlin was now splayed out on his back, with Arthur heaving above him. "Not so fast, _Mer_ lin," Arthur panted, bringing back some of his mockery.

Merlin groaned in frustration, because he, too, had been just a hairsbreadth from completion. "Ugh, _Arthur!_ Are you trying to kill me?"

It was Arthur's turn to chuckle darkly, and responded with, "Not quite. I'm just not done with you yet. I'm particularly not done with _this_ ," Arthur retorted, grabbing onto Merlin's slim, _hot_ erection for the first time.

Merlin gasped suddenly, his hips thrusting up of their own volition, and eyes rolling into the back of his head. Arthur squeezed a bit too tightly to get his attention again. " _Mer_ lin, could you, uh- get me something to make this _smoother_?" It took a second for Merlin's brain to catch up, but when he did, he sighed in pleasure. This was gonna be good.

Merlin mumbled a few more words, and Arthur's hand was then coated in a slick, clear substance. However, the hand did not return to Merlin's throbbing cock, and was instead brought behind Arthur's back. When Merlin, again, could figure out what was going on, he squeezed his eyes shut, and groaned helplessly, " _Arthur!_ Oh gods, you _are_ trying to kill me."

Arthur's chuckle was a bit strained because he had just inserted one slick finger into himself, and was working it quickly in and out. Although he was eager to get things moving, he knew it was important to be properly prepared if he didn't want to hurt himself.

Merlin rubbed his hands up and down Arthur's thighs, trying to take his mind away from the discomfort, but when Arthur's brow remained furrowed, he sat up. Merlin dove straight in for Arthur's neck, and bit down softly, then sucking to bring the blood to the surface. The bruise would bloom spectacularly just under Arthur's jaw, not quite able to be hidden by his shirts. Perfect. Just as Merlin turned his head to place another right beneath it, Arthur inserted a second finger. Merlin went from Arthur's neck to his lips, distracting him further.

They kissed passionately for a few minutes while Arthur slowly worked his two fingers in and out of himself. When he felt comfortable with those two, he squeezed in a third, and accidentally bit down on Merlin's lower lips instead of his own. When Merlin withdrew in pain, Arthur gasped out, "So-sorry. Ah!" and his face creased in pain.

Merlin told him to slow down, and resumed kissing Arthur's neck, and brought his hand down to Arthur's flagged erection to bring some pleasure to his pain. A couple minutes later, and Merlin was holding a fully erect - _dear god, the size of him!-_ Arthur in his hand. Arthur was now panting and rolling his hips. He then declared himself ready.

Merlin murmured the spell again, this time for himself. He ran his slick hand up and down his own aching shaft, and watched Arthur readjust himself over Merlin. Arthur leaned up higher on his knees, chest bumping into Merlin's. Arthur smiled quickly, pecked Merlin on the lips, and reached back to guide Merlin's cock to his entrance.

They locked gazes as Arthur very slowly lowered himself onto Merlin's cock. When he was fully seated, his hips resting against Merlin's, Arthur squeezed his eyes shut at the intense burning sensation. Merlin lightly kissed Arthur's face all over, and whispered in his ear, "What do you need?"

Arthur hummed and shook his head. "Hold on." He than began to rock. He didn't raise or lower himself, just moved slightly back and forth. "Hurts less if I move a bit."

"Okay, keep going. Whatever you need," Merlin said, kissing Arthur's shoulders and neck. A few more minutes of the rocking, and Arthur ventured to rise up ever so slightly, letting Merlin's erection slide out an inch or so, and then back down.

Merlin groaned loudly, and bit into Arthur's shoulder. Then Arthur raised himself quite a bit more, so Merlin was almost all the way out, and then brought himself down almost lazily.

"Oooooh… _sire!_ I -uh- I mean Arth-" Merlin gasped out, afraid he had crossed a line.

Arthur's eyes had rolled back into his head when Merlin called him 'sire', and Merlin noticed. Arthur raised himself, and came back down a little quicker this time.

Merlin made a conscious decision this time to moan out, "Oh, _sire_ , again!"

Arthur had not noticed when all the pain had gone, but he sure knew when the pleasure was sweeping over him in waves. He started to move on Merlin's cock faster, bringing his hips down harder, and soon he wasn't coherent.

When Merlin realized that Arthur was lost to himself, he wrapped his arms around Arthur's back, braced his legs on the bed, and gently laid them down, careful not to escape Arthur's sweet, tight, _hot_ , hole.

With Arthur now on his back, Merlin brought his knees up to right next to Arthur's hips, and wrapped his hands around Arthur's upper thighs, raising them higher. He brought them up high on his waist, and Arthur was able to wind them behind Merlin's back, hooking his ankles together, heels brushing the swell of Merlin's arse.

Merlin then began to thrust into Arthur unhurriedly, determined to make Arthur lose his mind. He bent down, bringing his mouth to Arthur's ear, and whispered huskily, " _Oh, sire!_ Ah!" a deliberate gasp, "you always told me how perfect you were, but I never knew just _how perfect_ you meant. Had you always known you were born to fit my cock inside you this _perfectly_?" Each time Merlin emphasized 'perfect', Arthur gasped quietly, and clenched Merlin's erection tighter. "You like me telling you how much I _adore_ you, sire?"

Arthur nodded his head frantically, eyes closed as tight as they could go, trying to stave off his climax. Merlin knew how close Arthur was, because he too was there. So he wrapped his hand around Arthur's cock, and stroked very slowly, but it was enough to set him off. After a few strokes, Merlin's hand was covered in a warm, sticky liquid, and he had Arthur squeezing his hole around his own cock relentlessly.

Merlin almost came then, too, but Arthur relaxed, and Merlin began to thrust into Arthur rapidly, chasing his own release after seeing what he had be able to do to Arthur. Merlin could see how Arthur's face had twisted in agonized bliss, and how he had gasped out in surprise, and then Merlin was coming deep within Arthur's body.

His thrusts slowed eventually, until he collapsed on top of Arthur, who huffed out a breath. "God, you're heavier than you look." Merlin just grunted, not moving from his position. Arthur, rewound his arms around Merlin's back, holding him close. Arthur placed a kiss in Merlin's hair, then rolled so that they were on their side.

When they had both caught their breaths, they readjusted themselves, with Merlin on his back, one hand in Arthur's hair, and Arthur on his stomach, head on top of Merlin's chest, and arms around his middle, using Merlin as a pillow. The arrangement allowed both men to sleep how they normally would, but with the added benefit of closeness. Once settled, they fell asleep quickly.


	13. Can't Help Falling in Love

Author's notes: So, if you skipped the fun bits from last chapter, you're gonna wanna skip the very beginning of this one, too. Sorry, but _really_ not sorry ;D So this is the last chapter, and I just realized that I haven't thanked everyone who has commented and/or favorited. THANK YOU! It truly is appreciated, and it warms my heart. Thank you all for going through this journey with me. It was my first lengthy fic, AND my first smutty one. Love ya! And this chapter's title is from the cover by Twenty-One Pilots, _Can't Help Falling in Love_.

* * *

Arthur woke to his hips rolling upwards, but he couldn't remember the reason. When his eyes opened, he looked to the side, but Merlin wasn't there. His heart started to fall, but then his eyes rolled back into his head when something wet and _hot_ enveloped the erection he didn't know he had. He quickly looked down his body and saw a person sized lumped between his spread legs, but beneath the blankets. When his mind caught up to his body, he moaned obscenely, alerting Merlin that his king was awake.

Merlin hummed his good morning, making Arthur's hips roll involuntarily again. Arthur shoved his hands under the blankets and grabbed two fistfuls of Merlin's incredibly soft dark brown hair. He wasn't forcing Merlin's head up or down, he just needed something to hang onto, because his world was practically spinning off its axis.

Merlin pulled off Arthur's cock, but stroked it with his hand to keep Arthur interested. He flung the covers off his head, and winked at Arthur with a cheeky grin. "Rise and shine, sire."

"Oh _god_ , you are insufferable," Arthur moaned, feigning irritation. Arthur's fingers curled and uncurled as Merlin tightened his hold at Arthur's tone. "Ah," Arthur's breaths stuttered, caught between mild discomfort and pleasure. Merlin gave Arthur a look, and Arthur immediately knew what he needed to do get Merlin to resumes his prior ministration. "S-sorry," he smirked, not sounding sorry at all, but Merlin allowed it.

Going back down on Arthur's erection, Merlin decided to play dirty. He kitten-licked the tip until Arthur was squirming uncontrollably, then while Arthur was distracted, Merlin opened his mouth, and swallowed Arthur down as far as he could go without gagging. Arthur cried out in surprised ecstasy, and had to bit down on his lip hard to keep from coming down Merlin's throat without warning. He did have some manner, he was king afterall.

If Merlin could grinning evilly right now, he would, but he was otherwise occupied. He brought his mischievous blue eyes up to see how his king was faring, and he liked what he saw. Arthur's eyes were closed so tight, his forehead was furrowed, and he could see the veins in his arms because he was keeping himself from clenching Merlin's hair too tightly, which was appreciated.

However, Merlin wanted to play dirty, and Arthur lasting long was not in the playbook. So Merlin bobbed his head up and down shallowly a few times as he moved his hand further down Arthur's body. When Merlin's hand was in position, he again sucked down Arthur's cock as far as he could, but this time he circled the tip if his index finger around Arthur's slightly abused entrance.

Arthur gasped loudly, and without his body consulting his mind first, he came so hard down Merlin's sinful throat that he saw stars. Merlin was expecting it though, and was able to pull back slightly so he didn't choke as he swallowed.

Merlin licked the last of the come from Arthur's cock, and sat up on his knee between Arthur's thighs. Merlin crawled forward so that he was straddling Arthur's hips, and ran his hands down his chest and over his upper thighs, waiting for Arthur to focus again. Merlin bit his upper lip when his hand strayed too close to his own erection. Oh sod it, he could start without Arthur.

Merlin firmly grasped his aching shaft and began to stroke it firmly up and down, looking into Arthur's eyes and waiting for them register his position. When it finally happened, Merlin smirked cheekily at him, and twisted his fist on the down stroke, causing his breathing to hiccup. Arthur's eye widened in shock, but then narrowed in lust, but kept his hands to himself, determined to let Merlin do all the work this morning.

When Merlin saw Arthur's post-orgasmic, lustful eyes, his hand sped up and his hips started to thrust back into his hand of their own accord. No matter how hard his eyes tried to roll back, Merlin kept them locked onto Arthur's. Gods they were a perfect shade of blue, Merlin thought absently.

Merlin shuffled forward a bit more so that his knees were now on either side of Arthur's rib-cage. Merlin's hand was now flying up and down his shaft, out of control. When he felt the fire in his gut start to roil, his heated gaze turned questioning, and Arthur smirked knowingly, letting Merlin know it was okay. Merlin groaned out Arthur's name as he came all over Arthur's neck and collarbone, his eyes finally snapping shut.

Merlin flopped forward onto Arthur dramatically, stretching his legs out behind him to get more comfortable. Arthur chuckled and brought his arms up to wrap around Merlin's shoulders, and kissed Merlin's head. "Gods, I love you, you idiot." Arthur said without thinking.

But it made Merlin tense. He knew Arthur loved him, he proved it last night. But to hear Arthur say it so freely and without care made Merlin's heart clench. He still didn't feel like he deserved it after everything he put them through.

Arthur felt Merlin tense, and rubbed his arms up and down Merlin's back. "It's -uh- okay, if you don't say it back. I understand." Arthur muttered, not really meaning it. He was a bit confused on how things had gotten here. They had just been _so_ content. What went wrong?

Merlin knew Arthur didn't mean what he said, which made his jaw start to quiver has he held back tears he was sick of crying. His breathing started to stutter, and Arthur grew concerned. "Merlin, what's wrong? Look at me?"

Merlin turned his head from where it had been crammed in Arthur's neck, and smashed it on Arthur's chest instead, not want Arthur to see him cry again.

Arthur brought his hands up to Merlin's hair, and stroked, hoping to calm him. "Hey, I-I'm sorry. You can forget I said anything if it will make you stop crying. But, please stop, I don't like seeing you like this," Arthur pleaded.

That only made Merlin's next inhale become a sob as he pressed his face harder into Arthur's chest. "How can you love me so easily after what I kept from you? I almost ruined everything we had, just because I was scared." Merlin mumbled, clutching onto Arthur's hip bones.

Arthur felt relief sweep through him, and brought his hands from Merlin's hair to his jaw to get Merlin to look him in the eyes. Merlin did so reluctantly. Arthur had a small smile on his face as he looked into Merlin's gorgeous face and said, "Because I loved you before all that, and what you said doesn't change who I fell in love with." That made Merlin's eyes widen, and his lips quiver again, but in happiness this time. Arthur continued, "And because, if I had been in your shoes, I might have done the same thing. Camelot was a very dangerous place for you when you first got here, and it was only more so when you were anointed as my personal servant. So I understand. It doesn't mean that I don't wish you didn't tell me earlier, it just means I understand why you didn't." Arthur wiped his thumbs under Merlin's big blue eyes, and said, "So please stop crying, you'll make start doing it, too."

Merlin laughed wetly, and wiped his face with the back of his hand. He leaned forward, and lightly kissed Arthur on the lips. "I love you, too. And I'm so sorry." Arthur smiled his acceptance, and kissed Merlin back, just as sweetly.

"Okay, we need to get up and get moving. Big day ahead," Arthur said, smacking Merlin on the bum and trying to move out from underneath him, knowing if he didn't, he would stay in bed and keep Merlin captive. But he had a kingdom to run.

Merlin groaned as he rolled off Arthur, wrapping himself up in the sheets. "But there's _always_ a big day ahead. You and Gaius are constantly telling me that," Merlin grumbled, rolling onto his front and burying his head under the pillow as Arthur got out of bed.

Arthur pulled some clothes from his wardrobe, and put them on. When he finished, he walked up to his hiding lover, and snatched the sheets from his body. Merlin shouted out in shock, and immediately curled into a ball to protect himself from the chilliness of the room. "Hey!"

"Get up, _Mer_ lin. We have to go meet Mordred. He wanted to talk to us about something," Arthur said as he threw the sheets into a corner of the room so Merlin couldn't wrap himself in them again.

Merlin slithered out of bed, and grumbled hateful words under his breath as he got dressed.

* * *

Merlin and Arthur met Mordred in the throne room approximately twenty minutes later. Mordred turned around to greet them, and noticed the marks on Arthur's neck, but he just smiled to himself and kept his mouth shut as he thought, ' _Finally. Gwen will be pleased.'_

"Ah, Your Highness, Merlin," Mordred nodded his greeting to each man as he addressed them. "I have asked to meet you because I have some news." Mordred cleared his throat and decided to just spit it out. "I'm stepping down as Court Sorcerer."

Arthur sputtered, and Merlin's eyes widened in surprise, his jaw dropping. "But, I thought you loved this job?" Merlin asked, confused and more than a little crestfallen.

"I do, don't get me wrong. I just don't think that I am the best one for it."

"But, you were the best person I interviewed. There is literally _no one_ else I can think of that can do this better than you can," Merlin said, pleading with his eyes to get Mordred to reconsider.

"Actually, My Lord," Mordred addressed Arthur who had yet to speak. "If I may suggest a replacement?" Arthur shrugged. "I think it should be Emrys."

Merlin choked on his own spit, his eyes bugging out of his head. "Bu-but. I'm not- I have no idea how- what?!" Merlin sputtered, looking back and forth between Mordred and Arthur, who, to his utter bewilderment, seemed to be considering the suggestion. "Arthur?" Merlin asked, wondering how Arthur could possibly think that was a good idea.

Arthur hummed, but turned to Mordred, "And what would you do?"

Mordred actually blushed a bit, "I was, uh, thinking , er _hoping,_ rather, that I could be some sort of emissary between you and the druids. I've been thinking a lot about it lately, and it seems be too much for the Court Sorcerer to see to the citizens' needs _and_ the druid's, especially since the druids never stay in one place. The druids need more attention than the Court Sorcerer can afford to give them, but reparations need to be made."

Arthur smirked as he listened to Mordred ramble on, obviously nervous about having put so much thought into a hypothetical position. "Well, I agree. We do need someone to act as a go between for us and the druids." Mordred smiled, relieved that he could stop talking. "But," and his smile faded, "You'll have to convince Merlin to take your job first. I don't feel like going through interviews again." Arthur said nonchalantly. He already knew Merlin would take the job, but only if he had Mordred's explicit consent to do so.

Mordred gave Merlin the biggest, most innocent puppy eye's Arthur has ever seen. "Merlin, please? You deserve to be Court Sorcerer. You're more powerful than I will ever be." When Mordred saw he wasn't making the right argument, he switched gears. "Plus, you'll be in a better position to protect the kingdom. And Arthur." Merlin gave Mordred a glare for hitting his weak spot, but Mordred continued anyways. "Please? For me? I want to see my people again."

Merlin sighed, and gave in. "Well how can I say no to that look? Gods! Turn it off, it's too much." Mordred smiled triumphantly.

Merlin smiled back, and wasn't surprised when Mordred crushed him in a hug. "Thank you so much. I've been wanting to go back home for a while. Been feeling homesick." Mordred smiled sheepishly."

Mordred released Merlin from the hug, and excused himself with a gracious thank you to Arthur. Merlin turned to face the king, feeling sheepish himself. "So… you're okay with this? You don't think it's moving a bit too fast?"

Arthur seriously thought about it a moment, then shrugged. "Nah. Mordred sort of hinted that he would prefer you to be Court Sorcerer when he explained who Emrys was, so I shouldn't be surprised. I'm just glad he still wants to work with us."

"About that Emrys thing..." Merlin said guiltily.

Arthur waved his hand dismissively. "As I said, Mordred already explained it, and I told you that I understand. No need for more apologies."

Merlin smiled softly, then looked around the room to make sure the doors were closed properly. When he noticed a window open a bit, his eyes flashed gold, and it closed gently. Then Merlin stepped into Arthur's personal space, and quickly pecked Arthur on the the lips. "Thank you."

"No problem," Arthur said lowly, quirking his lips. "But if you're going to kiss me when we're alone, you better do it properly," Arthur rumbled in a seductive voice. He brought Merlin close to his body with a hand on the back of Merlin's neck and the other around his waist. He then winked at Merlin cheekily, and Merlin chuckled, crashing his lips against Arthur's; properly this time.

A few minutes of heated kisses later, Arthur pulled away for breath, and whispered in Merlin's ear, "You know, since you now have an official title, you'll get chambers of your own." Arthur nibbled on Merlin's ear suggestively. Merlin hummed his query. "Yes, and it just so happens that the ones next to mine, are unoccupied."

"Oh?" Merlin asked breathlessly, gripping onto Arthur's shoulders for stability as Arthur assaulted his neck.

"Mmhmm," Arthur answered.

"Good. But I don't think I'll get much use out of them. Do you?"

In answer, Arthur surged upwards, and trapped Merlin's mouth in another heated round of kissing that didn't end for several minutes. When they finally pulled apart, smiling devilishly at each other, they straightened their clothes, flattened hair, and left the room to get all the new changes sorted before announcing Merlin as the new Court Sorcerer to the kingdom.


End file.
